r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 15d ago
AIO because my wife took our cats when moving
Soooo, my wife is moving because of us not working out anymore. A lot of abuse from her like, shit gets deep. I believe she is narcissistic but im not a psychologist so what do I know? When she was moving we discussed everything, we didnt get divorce yet. We still thought we might work things out but not anymore. We discussed the cats and agreed that they should stay with me since I have been taking care of them for years by my self, like she has done not one single chore for these cats. Im sure if she keeps them their litter box wont be cleaned for weeks at a time. She never takes care of them and they have medical issues right now and require special care. I am totally losing my mind, she just took them with her when moving taking her things out of the house. She said don't be at the house and leave and I left, she then proceeded to steal the fucking cats. They are like my kids I really need them for support right now too I am just crying like crazy can't believe this. She quite literally took them with lies when we agreed they should have stayed with me. Called the cops they said you guys need to get a document of separation and write the ownership on that document. Until then as we are married I cant pursue legal action at all because its not technically stealing apparently:D im loosing it yall tell me somethingg
update; I got my cats back but she wants to take them back next week, imma fight thos during divorce as im filing it for it during the weekday as lawyers dont work weekends
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u/JMLegend22 14d ago
Call her and tell her you will serve her with a legal notice if she doesn’t return the cats within the hour.
Let her know you have the ownership and paper trail establishing you as the owner. And you also have documents and pictures for court about her lack of care for the cats.
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u/Consistent-Desk-1883 14d ago
Losing your pets in such a situation must be heartbreaking. Hang in there, things will get better.
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u/PressurePlenty 14d ago
She seems petty. You can totally demand the cats in the divorce, especially since you know every aspect of their health conditions and the care required for them.
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u/broomandkettle 14d ago
OP, go consult with a lawyer immediately. Cats fall under a property division.
Don’t take legal advice from police officers or from your stbx. Go find out exactly what your options are from an actual lawyer.
Police officers aren’t lawyers with badges. It’s a mistake to take legal advice from them no matter how well intentioned they are.
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u/Few_Cartoonist_217 14d ago
Perhaps reverse psychology will work where you tell her that on second thoughts it is a relief not to have the expense of having the cats. That their food and supplies have gone up in price to the point that it is really helping your budget if she keeps them and you just have visitation. Watch her dump those cats back with you pronto!
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u/Cohnman18 14d ago
Let her have the cats. Start fresh and get your own cats, if you want. I LOVE cats as well, but female Lovers are even better. Good luck!
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u/suziq338 14d ago
Do you have, or can you create access to just take them back? If there’s no agreement, you aren’t stealing them either. If so, arrange a foster home, preferably through your local SPCA, for them for a while. Not friends or family. No one who could tell her. And the SPCA makes sure the foster can’t just decide to keep them. Then, go repossess your cats, but give them to the fosters. When your ex accuses you, go ballistic about her losing your cats. Threaten legal action. Let the cops into your home to show there are no cats there. Once everything dies down, collect your babies and live your best life.
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u/Jumpy_Individual_526 14d ago
Take her to small claims court for the cats. She will either have to pay you or give them back
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14d ago
yea I might have to at this point, fucking hell dude this is insane
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u/philadelphialawyer87 14d ago
Not sure if this is good advice. The cats are part of a divorce situation. Depending on your state or other jurisdiction, it might not be possible to get them back through small claims court. Again, talk to an attorney!
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u/Jumpy_Individual_526 14d ago
It will work small claims court sees animals as possessions so she will either have to pay you a high amount of money or give you your cats back. I really hope you get them back. My girls are my life
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14d ago
thank you, she quite literally stole my kids from me and ran away during separation so yea its how I see it
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u/Jumpy_Individual_526 14d ago
I understand if that happened to me. I'd be in jail on charges. No one touches my cats, Good luck and hopefully you get them back, Please get a hold of small claims court today
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u/Faithyyharrison 14d ago
I’d steal them back. If you need documents of separation, then stealing them back is fine. Then change the locks in your house and be done with her. Everything needs to be done with a mediator from here on out. Do not talk with her alone.
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u/Normal-Detective3091 14d ago
Whose name is on the vet paperwork? Are they chipped? If so, whose names on the microchips? If it's your name, they're your cats.
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14d ago
im never deleting this post so if people see it I quite literally took 150mg 3-mmc and 300ug to process this whole fucking mess while listening to 454 and idk wihtout all this id be fucking going nuttytss
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u/Cats-cats-cats-dog 14d ago
I don’t know what this all means, but just making you’re okay physically. Please don’t give up when times are hard. I’m praying your cats are okay. When my husband and I were separated he took the cat. It was the worst thing ever. He felt bad and got me another one…hubby and I are back together and I’ve had the kitty for 10 years now. Hang in there!!
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u/itonlydistracts 14d ago
Basically what it means is, unfortunately OP is most likely a drug addict. So we are probably not getting the full story from him. It’s sad because I was initially on his side.
OP time to sober up. You have A LOT to focus on right now.
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14d ago
yea dont worry im responsible with my drug use, im phsycly welll just fucking mentally torn
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u/itonlydistracts 14d ago
So, actually no. 3-mmc is not a casual drug, it’s a hardcore RC that is not only super illegal but also highly addictive. So now, I have to feel like perhaps we are not getting the full story and maybe the cats are better off with your wife for now. I think it’s time to sober up and focus with a clear mind on what’s happening to your life around you. You’re losing it dude.
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14d ago
dude iv been a responsible drug user for longer then 15 years with no issues of health or responsibilities to speak of :D thsts not the issue I have trust me but I got many
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u/Guilty_Seaweed_249 14d ago edited 14d ago
Steal them back. There is always a way. Think about if they were your actual kids what you would do to get them out of a house if you need it to.. and do that.
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u/OwslyOwl 15d ago
There are legal actions that are civil and not criminal. Talk to a family law attorney as soon as possible - not just about the cats, but about this entire situation. But definitely bring up the cats.
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14d ago edited 14d ago
dawg fuckthe law I dont know the adress at all :D edit; yea im talking with friends and family also contacted lawyers im seeking help about it
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u/Dizzy_jones294 15d ago
She doesn't want the cats. It's a power play. Just get all the documentation and stop talking to her about them now that you have texts that she will give them back. She just wants to make you dance. Don't give her that satisfaction. Just get your stuff together and blast her in court.
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15d ago
I think you are right, I wrote to two lawyers to start the process hope I can get them :( this is the worst
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u/Dizzy_jones294 15d ago
I am sorry you are going through this. It takes a pretty low life person to use living creatures for their satisfaction. Our animals look to us for survival and we love them for the comfort they provide . I am sure she will give them back once she isn't getting what she wants for taking them. Try to be very cool and laid back. When she brings up the cats just remind her when their vet appointments are and to get their meds.
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15d ago
yea its fucked up, I really believe this is hurting the cats as they were stressed already by our constant fighting in the home :( they are sensitive little creatures and moving has always made them stressed, its nust unnecessary to bring them into this like this so hard. If she wanted to take them it needed to be done properly, not like this
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u/Dizzy_jones294 14d ago
But just think how happy they will be to come home.
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14d ago
yea this is quite fucking insane and I cant blieve im going yrough such a stupid fucking thing :D
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u/Heavy-Quail-7295 15d ago
She took the cats to piss you off.
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15d ago
I feel like that too, she keeps doing things to hurt me but this is too far man
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u/Reddoraptor 14d ago
This tells you all you need to know about the possibility of working things out - she's a liar and a thief, there is no working things out with someone who does this. Get a lawyer, immediately, like today, get divorced, ASAP, and move on.
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u/BreezyMack1 14d ago
This solution is simple. You just act how happy you are you don’t gotta deal with the damn cats anymore. They were annoying and gonna cost lots of money at the vet now anyway. If you don’t care she won’t want them.
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u/Heavy-Quail-7295 15d ago
Look, I'm divorced and remarried. Divorce is worse than death of a loved one. Because you feel all the death of the relationship, but they're still there and they're being their worst. They're not even the person you married.
And no disrespect or judgement, but chances are you are too at some level. I was.
Taking the cats was an intentional hurt as a "gotcha" I guarantee you. Plans were you got them, she knew it'd hurt. I hope you get them back, but this was a dick move on purpose.
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u/Fossildude101 14d ago
That's a dumb fucking take. I'd rather someone I've split from be alive and living their own life, then for them to be dead.
Death leaves so many unanswered questions. Divorce doesn't.
I say this as someone who is both currently married and also has lost a significant other early in life.
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13d ago
I lost my first friend to suicide at 14 I lost many more after that. Trust me ik, but this has been much harder on me. It doesnt have to be the same for everyone
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u/opdondertje 14d ago
How dare you. I say that as a widow.
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u/Heavy-Quail-7295 14d ago
And as someone who's lost loved ones and dealt with divorce, how dare YOU.
Imagine all you feel right now, and now you get to go and see the person you loved with someone else.
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u/opdondertje 14d ago
You lost loved ones? We all have. But unless you are a widow or widower you have no idea what you're talking about.
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u/SouthernFlower8115 14d ago
Divorce is NEVER worse than death. In divorce, there’s always that chance of seeing the person again while on earth. Death, zero chance.
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u/AGD_squared 14d ago
I think it's probably okay for people to have different feelings about what kind of closure brings them peace.
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u/SouthernFlower8115 14d ago
I guess you’re right, as long as some one else’s death, gives that person peace.
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u/AGD_squared 14d ago
I was more thinking the knowing vs not knowing, but I suppose also, too, in situations where people live in dear. But I don't think that's the comparison occurring.
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15d ago
dude this thing has been the hardest worst thing to deal with in my life. I lost so many friends and family to death but this fucking divorce is just another level. Stealing the cats has really fucked me up too. I feel so sad I cant even put into words, im so worried about them at the same time ;( I hope I can get them too...
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u/QueenofPentacles112 14d ago
I'm so sorry! I feel like you're less upset at her deliberate action to hurt you and more concerned about the cats' care! Which just proves that what she did was not having the best interest of the cats in mind. Which also proves why they need to stay with you! Hopefully reality sets in quickly that they actually require care that she isn't willing to give and she returns them. Also, you should come up with a reason to go to her new place and steal them back. Like play nice and go over there to help her with something or see her new place and then just leave with the cats. It's not like she'll be able to get you in trouble for it.
Another thing that might work is to not be visibly upset about it towards her. The less her actions affect you, the better, since that's her goal is to upset you! If her efforts to upset you didn't work and you're just surprisingly like "ok, I thought we agreed that they'd stay with me, but if you want them that's fine. Remember that Sniffles gets diarrhea if she eats too many treats! And make sure their box is done 1-2 times per day or all of you will get worms! Give them a kiss for me! Mwah!". Then the appeal of her having the cats and you not will wear off quickly. Or you could imply that she's actually doing you a favor by taking over the expenses and work of a pet because you were actually thinking about going overseas for a while! Then she'll wanna have another "gotcha" moment by returning them to you.
Seeing that I wrote 2 whole paragraphs about mind-game strategies you can use to get them back, I'm shaking my head because it should not be this difficult to provide a pet with the love and care it deserves. Like it's bullshit that you even have to figure this out in the first place. Sorry man. This sucks ☹️
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u/Bla_Bla_Blanket 14d ago
How do you know she’s not gonna put them out somewhere? Are you sure she’s gonna keep them?
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13d ago
yea I got them back today:) After realizing the laws and realizing she was gonna get arrested I think she decided to bring them back finally but she wants to take them back :D im gonna fight that tho
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u/Heavy-Quail-7295 15d ago
It'll work out man. It sucks. Bigly. And it will for awhile. And there will be good days and bad, then more good days than bad, until bad days kinda become a nuance.
Court and process will manage all the stuff out with your cats, but the wait will suck. And maybe she'll have a decency day and return them before then, but maybe not. This whole process is a pain.
Plenty of us have been there, lean in on the folks you have.
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15d ago
you are amazing honestly, thank you
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u/spam__likely 14d ago
If you have any mutual friends, see if they can check on the cats. Also, check shelters because he might have just taken them there.
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u/ybroc79 15d ago
You fucked up...you never use a verbal agreement... always get it in writing. I would text her and say we both agreed the cats were staying with me. See if she is dumb enough to agree she did agree to it. Plus she is only doing it to piss you off so act like it isn't a big deal.
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15d ago
she agreed over text, our text messages are full of that. but the cop told me over the phone as long as no seperation documents the cats are hers as well as mine and they sad we cant do anything until you guys get that document
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u/ybroc79 15d ago
Sounds like the cop didn't want to do his job. A text agreement is still an agreement. If I told someone that they could have a motorcycle over text and they took it... could I then report it stolen because I changed my mind?!? Fuck no. This is the same...animals are nothing more than another item owned. Can you imagine someone asking if they can have your dog by text and you say absolutely not...they then take the dog and the cops tell you there is nothing they can do?!? Lol fuck that.
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u/newnamesamebutt 14d ago
If they are married they have joint ownership until separation papers are signed. You can say or text whatever you want, but the legal reality is that as a married partner she still owns those cats. He can't enforce anything.
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u/BoltActionRifleman 14d ago
It is not a cops job to go get cats back from someone who is still married to the one asking for the cats back. They actually did their job by staying out of it until there is legal documentation of what they can actually do in such an instance.
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u/Guilty_Seaweed_249 14d ago
They dont mind going above and beyond a piece of paper if they suspect you might have broken a law. 🙄.
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15d ago
im gonna call them again :D
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u/Guilty_Seaweed_249 14d ago
Find a way to steal them back. Like the cops said they are yours also.n
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u/philadelphialawyer87 14d ago
I think this is bad advice.
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u/Guilty_Seaweed_249 13d ago
Well, for many people it is. For people that love their pets like a child not so much.
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u/philadelphialawyer87 13d ago
I am concerned about the consequences. Supposing it goes wrong? Supposing the police become involved? Supposing violence occurs? Supposing OP ends up being charged with a criminal offense? Supposing the cats are injurred in the attempt?
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u/Guilty_Seaweed_249 13d ago
And if your aunt had a penis she would be your uncle. All those things can happen just walking down the road. I'm just saying I would be leaving that home with my cats.
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14d ago
I feel the same trust me, I dont know the adress at all
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u/Guilty_Seaweed_249 14d ago
Look up her name. If she did and address change it should be easy to find use a reverse look up with her phone number. It will list all her old addresses and you will see the new one after your address.
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14d ago
fuck i love you
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u/Guilty_Seaweed_249 14d ago
Lol I just want you to get you cats back. My cat is just like one of my kids. I'm thinking what I would do. Just be careful. Look for cameras buy walking up with a new hat and mask sunglasses park up the street walk buy and check out the place and see what the schedule is with people being home or not. Then on the day you are picking you cats up for "visitation"' park at grocery store.then knock on the door.with a grocery bag in your hands. Then you know the rest. 😜 Good luck.
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14d ago
yea my cars are my kids and im just realizing the way current culture views animals is fucked up like really fucked up
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u/AspectNo7942 15d ago
They cant and wont be take the cats from her. You would need to go to court with that written agreement
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u/OwslyOwl 15d ago
Call an attorney to discuss your rights. If you don't make enough to pay for a consult, you can try www.freelegalanswers.org.
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u/philadelphialawyer87 14d ago
This is what I was looking for. Forget the cops. They are not going to get involved in this kind of thing. But a lawyer might be able to get this in front of the court, pronto.
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15d ago
thank you, iv been trying free consultations through email and stuff but I think im gonna pay and talk to a law firm I have experience with in the past see what they can do
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u/Floor_Face_ 15d ago
Did you own the cats prior to the relationship.
If not, it'll be extremely difficult to go anywhere with this, proving you were the primary caretaker will be difficult, if it even matters at all, and if she's willing to lie about ownership, they're basically hers then.
Edit: did you try contacting her about her taking the cats? Specifically via text or email. Piece of advice in general, don't communicate over call, always text or email so it's documented.
You might be able to bait her into admitting she took the cats without your knowledge and disregarding the previous agreement
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15d ago
we got them together when they were kittens in the street we were at. Their passport has her name on it as the owner so I think im totally screwed here, I got no choice but to let my cats get neglected and not cared for when they need it the most. I cant fkin take this
edit; also yea she has admited to let me have them over text I will document all that but the cops sad we need a separation document apparently and put it on there
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u/Floor_Face_ 15d ago
Once your divorce process begins, you might be able to leverage custody over the cats. Depends entirely over how much of a fight your girlfriend puts into it.
Also, do you have any medical bills or pet insurance bills in your name? Might help.
I got no choice but to let my cats get neglected
Again, text or email your ex over the custody of the cats. Has she said she'd be willing to negotiate an agreement or anything? Maybe you can buy them off her granted she signs custody over to you.
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15d ago
Yea I will document all that, I dont know if I have a lot of bills saved but my email must have some sinc emy vet used to email it to me sometimes. She has sad she wanted to me to have them primarily and we would discuss them staying over her sometimes later but she just stole them :D
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u/Southern_sunshine86 14d ago
Are they microchipped? If so are they chipped in your name? This one thing helped me save my dog in a serious situation.
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u/theodorathecat 15d ago
Not to be paranoid or cause stress but is she vindictive enough to turn around and give them away or take to a shelter?
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15d ago
I dont think she would, she is attached to one of the cats deeply herself. That little guy has magic that makes everyone just fall in love with him. I think she will keep them herself but neglect them very hard as she has done when we were together
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u/[deleted] 13d ago
update for people who will see it, I got the cats back. After all the people on her life told her to do so she gave them with one condition and that is the take them back next week. Im gonna speak to a lawyer start seperation and fight for them