r/stupidquestions • u/Time-Ad7233 • 15d ago
Why is it acceptable for a woman to want an abortion, but when a man wants a woman to have an abortion, he's viewed as a POS?
Don't they both have a right to be pro-choice?
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u/cminorputitincminor 10d ago
Lmao, WHAT???!!!
Everyone’s being way too forgiving explaining this to you. This really merits its place under “stupid questions”.
Let’s break it down.
You’re a dude, you’re walking around with your lovely set of fertile balls and you suddenly decide, hey, I’m sick of this, I don’t want a baby, and since it’s my body, I’m going to get the ol’ sniperoo.
Congratulations, that’s your choice!
Now say you’re still a dude, also walking around with your fertile balls, and your girlfriend comes up and says, Time-Ad7233, I want you to get a vasectomy. Maybe she pressure you, maybe she coerces you, maybe she spends her time trying to convince you to get a vasectomy for her own benefit. Does that make you feel as comfortable as the above situation? Probably not.
You may want a vasectomy or not, but at the end of the day…that’s NOT HER CHOICE!
Same goes with an abortion, my friend.
You’re generalising “pro choice” way too much here. It’s about bodily autonomy. A man can dislike the fact that a woman is having his baby but at the end of the day, it’s her body. HER body. HER choice. Not anyone’s freaking choice. EVEN IF the baby is his.
Remember the catchphrase - don’t be silly, wrap your willie! - and you shouldn’t have anything to worry about.
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u/thrway202838 10d ago
I get that women ought not be forced either to incubate a baby or to abort it. Both are bad.
But a woman has a way to absolve herself from all legal obligation towards an unborn child: kill it. It's ridiculous that men don't also have a way to absolve themselves of all legal obligation towards it. Certainly they couldn't have a physical abortion, but they should be allowed a legal one, with the same ease as women can have physical ones.
And I've seen all your "just abstain, then" and "use contraceptives" arguments but consider: would you accept any of those coming from a antichoice idiot? If they argued against abortion because a woman should just use a dildo and not have sex if she doesn't want a kid, or because contraceptives are 100% effective and she should've just used them?
That's what really gets me about this whole thing. All these prochoicers out here spewing nonsense so thoughtless that if you swapped sexes, it would be indistinguishable from antichoice drivel.
Sex is an important part of human life. Contraceptives aren't perfect. Pregnancy is an unfortunate accident. Neither party should be punished for doing something they need to do because an accident occurred.
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u/Stoneman427666 10d ago
I feel like he should be able to opt out of child support at least.. please dont crucify me.
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u/dcgregoryaphone 10d ago
Because the woman is the one whom is pregnant. Also, whether anyone likes it or not, if she wants to keep the child... demanding the pregnancy be aborted is tantamount to demanding the child be killed in the perceptions of most people... because the moment she chooses to keep the pregnancy it stops becoming just a "clump of cells" to her.
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u/Time-Ad7233 10d ago
"demanding the pregnancy be aborted is tantamount to demanding the child be killed"
Funny how that changes based on the circumstances...
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u/GrapeScotch 10d ago
Yeah that’s an insane take. I’m a woman who supports abortion and believes women should have the final say, but we can’t have it both ways. Either abortion is murder or it isn’t.
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u/Responsible_Taste837 11d ago
It is acceptable for a man to want an abortion. Just be honest. Fuck Society and do what you want. If enough people follow it, society changes. Not always for the better
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11d ago edited 11d ago
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u/Strawberryisntasimp 11d ago
men should be able to share their opinion about the pregnancy of the woman but the decision and choice itself should be beared onto the woman as she's the one with the responsibility of the child itself
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u/squashthejosh 11d ago
I’m not sure why people put so much on the 9 months of pregnancy, I get that it’s hard.
But is it as hard as the life-altering non-choice of having a child you’re forced to pay for or interact with for the next 18+ years?
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u/VastFollowing5840 10d ago
I mean, the woman is also responsible for the child the next 18 years…it’s not like she births it and then drops it off with the father like they are seahorses or something.
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u/squashthejosh 10d ago
Okay, but that’s her choice
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u/VastFollowing5840 10d ago
Men have the choice at the point when they decide when to have sex with someone. There are plenty of things you can do to mitigate the risk - procure your own birth control, have conversations with the woman about her values and what she thinks she would do if a pregnancy resulted to make sure she’s on the same page as you.
But the risk still remains that birth control may fail and she may make a different choice than she (and you) talked about upfront.
If that’s something you absolutely cannot stomach - don’t come inside a woman. That’s where you get to exercise your choice.
Is it fair? No, but the whole process of pregnancy - whether it’s carried to term or is terminated - isn’t fair for the woman.
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u/squashthejosh 10d ago
So men should practice abstinence to avoid the woman’s choice defining their lives.
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u/VastFollowing5840 10d ago
If your view of sex is so narrowly constrained that penis-in-vagina is the only thing that counts as sex, then yes I think anyone, man or woman, that cannot tolerate the potential of pregnancy (and in the case of men that pregnancy being continued), you should choose not to have it and do other sexual activities instead.
Go 69 instead until the cows come home, or have anal. Or rub each other out.
I’m not saying people should only ever have vaginal intercourse with their life partners soley for the purposes of having pregnancy, but you need to be mature enough to recognize that penetrative sex can result in pregnancy, and that because it’s women’s bodies that are impacted they get to make the final call, you shouldn’t be having it.
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u/Aliens-love-sugar 11d ago
I'd be more willing to have this conversation with men on the internet if I hadn't had so many men try to talk me out of condom use or pulling out over the years. I don't care if she's on birth control my dude. Pull out, or put a cock sock on. Period. Ideally both. Your chances of conceiving drop dramatically if you've got more than one contraceptive method in place. Don't make women responsible for your orgasms. Women only orgasm during sex 31-40% of the time. Men orgasm 88-95% of the time. Women can get pregnant whether we orgasm or not, so we have way more to lose, and way less to gain. Studies about precum pretty much state that a woman getting pregnant without men ejaculating is actually far rarer than people claim. Control. Your. Orgasms. Or. Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
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u/Zandrick 11d ago
The point of pro-choice is that the choice is that of the woman who is carrying the baby. It doesn’t actually have anything to do with the man who impregnated her. However, there’s nothing preventing her from consulting him, either. From the point of view of someone who is pro-choice; forcing an abortion is the same as preventing an abortion.
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u/Critical-Fault-1617 11d ago
They “both” have a right to an opinion. But the man does not get to tell the woman what kind of medical procedure she has to get. Keeping the baby or terminating the pregnancy is a medical decision that is between the woman and her medical providers.
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u/CODMAN627 11d ago
It’s a disparity with biology.
Women shoulder more of the responsibility for pregnancy and everything associated with that.
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u/abelenkpe 11d ago
You had unprotected consensual sex and now a woman is pregnant? It’s up to the woman what happens next. It’s her body. Pregnancy can kill a woman. You can voice your preference to the woman you impregnated but if you coerce, bully, threaten or otherwise try to impose your will on them you are a POS.
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u/Stempy21 11d ago
I think it should be a decision made by both. But again, when dating someone this is an important discussion to have.
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u/RaveDadRolls 11d ago
Of course they both have the right to be pro-choice. Men can get a vasectomy whenever they want. But the decision isn't on the man or the state it's on the woman. I do like some of the more new age thoughts on prenatal child support laws that allow a father some choice in the situation. Maybe reduced amount of Child Support Etc if they're not on board from the beginning. It also give the woman more information that they might not have an equal partner to work with on this. I think we've got to stop demonizing abortion. We have 8 billion humans we don't really need anymore and anyone that's not going to be great parents should not have a child and they should have many options to make that the case
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u/clarauser7890 11d ago
You definitely posted this in the right sub! You ask, “Don’t they both have a right to be pro-choice?” The answer is: Yes! About their own body.
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u/TimidDeer23 11d ago edited 11d ago
I think both men and women should be able to terminate any pregnancy that is growing inside of their bodies. Because if you don't want a foreign object inside your body which fucks with your hormones, likely will rip apart your genitals, and possibly will kill you: then you shouldn't have to do that. Similarly, both men and women should be able to say "no" to any medical procedure happening to their bodies like abortion. Otherwise you're giving drugs to an unconsenting person and/or sticking medical devices inside them without their consent.
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u/renlydidnothingwrong 11d ago
The point of pro-choice isn't that people should get abortions it's that women deserve a right to make decisions about their body without the state stopping them. It's not about the right to not be a parent it's about not allowing the state to force women to be pregnant against their will.
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u/Efficient-Plane-8495 12d ago
A woman is empowered when she chooses to murder someone. A man who wants her to murder is stealing that god-given right she has.
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u/Free-Stranger1142 12d ago
I don’t know. In this baby crazy society, common sense is hard to find and sometimes insanity reigns.
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u/Bloodmind 12d ago
It’s not his body. It’s fine for him to have an opinion and express it so she can have better expectations on how he expects to be in the kid’s life. It’s not okay for him to pressure her either way.
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u/TheDaemonette 12d ago
If a woman wants an abortion she is asserting control over her own body. If a man wants a woman to have an abortion he is trying to control someone else’s body.
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u/V_is4vulva 12d ago
Ok, so upvote for stupid question, because obviously the man is not pregnant. But I am going to give you my nuanced answer. One of the best statements I've heard is this: Sex is a shared activity. Parenting is a shared activity. Pregnancy is not a shared activity, so any decision regarding a pregnancy must be that of the person who is pregnant. Both parties can make choices about contraception, ideally these will be discussed and agreed upon, along with a talk about how an unplanned pregnancy will be handled, but humans and birth control are imperfect and unplanned pregnancies do occur.
If a woman wants to abort and the man doesn't, well sorry, there should not even be a discussion. People who do not want to be pregnant should not have to be pregnant. It's ok for the man to grieve that, and it's ok for him to end the relationship (if there was one) and move on with someone who wants to reproduce with him.
If a woman wants to keep the pregnancy and a man wants to abort, well at the end of the day that's her choice, because you cannot force someone else to have a medical procedure against their will. It's like people forget that all this is taking place inside of a person. The whole abortion discussion is not about babies. It's about women's bodies.
Now that said I do think it would be correct and fair to give men an "opt out" option, with the caveat that he would have to do so within the time period that a woman could still receive an abortion legally and in a not medically difficult manner (so she can make an informed decision about parenting solo) with him severing all legal and financial rights and responsibilities to the fetus, never to be restored so he can't pop back up a few years later and fight for custody. (Of course I do not give two fucks about making these provisions for men's rights until the right to abortion is fully protected, without restrictions, all across the country, forever.) Unfortunately, we will never get this opt out law, because The State has decided that it's in the best interest of the child to have two legal parents (which often enough isn't even the case) and The State is unwilling to risk potentially helping to support the child of a single mother when they could force that cost upon you instead.
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u/PickleFlavored 12d ago
I think if a man doesn't want to have a kid, then HE should take every single precaution to prevent it.
Why wait until she's pregnant to care if she gets pregnant? Stop letting your dicks do your thinking for you.
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u/4URprogesterone 12d ago
It's not his body.
But yeah, ideally there would be some way for men to sign away their parental rights without stigma.
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u/sunbleahced 12d ago
I don't think that a man wanting a woman to have an abortion makes him a POS automatically and I don't think it's about that.
I think it's a discussion and ultimately, it's the woman's body and no matter what she does, she has to face risks and consequences of those choices the man never will - the only one that can be fully shared is whether there will be a new human to take care of or not.
They both made the decision to copulate. So. If he's all angry and doesn't want a kid, they both made those choices already and now there are different choices at hand that don't all belong to him.
It's ok for him to have an opinion but you have to kind of accept that it isn't his choice, at the end of the day. Does he and should he have a voice in the matter when it's going to be his kid? Sure. I don't think he deserves a really strong say over whether she should consider a high risk pregnancy or not, that she will have to accept the event that she could have a baby with an incompatible blood type and face other complications, all the prenatal care and blood work she will need, what will happen if the baby is breech, what the risks are with having an abortion also, how she's going to feel physically and mentally after the procedure.
He will never truly experience, or feel ANY of that in first person perspective, and it doesn't even cover everything she has to or may have to consider.
Can he ask to talk about it all? Sure, in my book he can ask. It isn't what you say it's how you say it - he can express his feelings and what he needs, and whether he wants the abortion or not. If it's done appropriately.
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u/MosaicOfBetrayal 12d ago
As a man, our input begins and ends with ejaculation. After that, shut up.
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u/Dave_A480 12d ago
Because 'I don't want to be pregnant' is a different proposition than 'I don't want to pay for getting you pregnant'.....
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u/silentprayers 12d ago
There's nothing wrong with a man wanting a woman to have an abortion, as long as he ultimately accepts the decision she makes and doesn't try to force one on her. If he is pro-choice, he will recognize that it is her choice and that's the end of it.
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u/OkWorry2131 12d ago
Because under no other circumstances is it acceptable to force a medical procedure on someone else's body?
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u/Hypnowolfproductions 12d ago
Woman’s body woman’s choice. And that should be the same for a few other morally questionable activities that are untaxed now(prostitution). Then tax them with a sin tax like marijuana.
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u/Different-Instance-6 12d ago
Because only the woman has to endure the physical burdens of child birth or the abortion.
As a woman giving birth is probably the most dangerous thing you’ll do in your life and the United States has the highest infant and maternal mortality rate of any other developed country.
Men do not carry that burden and they should not get an equal vote. Women are not incubators for babies and should always have final say.
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u/ScytheFokker 12d ago
That right would require equal application of the law. Women would never be ok with men having the right to opt out of an unwanted pregnancy. They want that right for themselves solely. The States won't go for it because then the taxpayers would have to pay her for her choice to keep the pregnancy. They wa t no part of accountability for choices or the removal of their current rights to another individuals finances for their sole choice.
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u/Flat_Mode7449 12d ago
My biggest issue is, it takes two to make a baby. Yet if the woman doesn't want a kid, she can abort it. Which is her right, sure. But why is the man then stuck having a kid if he doesn't want to? Child support should be awarded only after marriage or the man agrees
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u/glassycreek1991 12d ago
He is also a POS when he doesn't want the abortion but she does. He is a POS anytime he thinks he is making those types of decisions over her body. Best thing for a man to do is wait for her decision and accept it. If you didn't wanted to be in that situation then wear a condom or have more discipline.
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u/Cautious-Impact22 12d ago
Same reason a man wouldn’t appreciate a woman pressing him to go get his nuts cut and sterilize himself- but worse because at least they aren’t already holding a life mutually created and shamed in the process by all of society.
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u/WhyYouCryin007 12d ago
We either agree abortion is a right or not. However, a man should have no right to force a woman to get one under any circumstances.
If you want to make a case that a man can opt out of child support due to a woman having a right to an abortion, a conversation can be had.
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u/rainbow11road 12d ago
The differences between the two sexes leads to a lot of inequality. Men get the benefit of being stronger, more physically intimidating, tend to have more power in sexual situations, and can have children without going through 9 months of hell and risking their life to give birth. It's so annoying how we all accept this but the moment women get a shred of power due to their situation of being the one to build and birth the baby all of a sudden we have people trying to get the law to prevent them having control cause "it's not fair!!1"
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u/Salt-Battle3033 12d ago
Better question why is abortion legal but if I kill a pregnant woman I can be charged with 2 deaths. Either it's a life you can end or one that if ended leads to a murder charge it cant be both. Also im not sure why we allow the murder of one specific group of people by another specific group of people.
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u/Bridgeburner1 12d ago
If a man isn't interested in having children, his only options are abstaining, or using contraceptives. If a woman isn't interested in having children, she can abstain, use contraceptives, or have an abortion. These things are not equal, but neither is taking responsibility for a child vs. taking responsibility for a child, and birthing that child.
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u/KanobeOxytocin 12d ago
If either party is not interested in raising the child, then either party should be able to exit that responsibility. Either through a abortion or not requiring child support.
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u/PromiseThomas 12d ago
You ever hear the phrase “My body, my choice?”
The decision to have an abortion isn’t about the fetus. It’s about whether or not the person carrying the pregnancy wants to be pregnant. That’s a 100% personal decision just like any other momentous medical decision, and no one else gets a say in it.
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u/Who_Dat_1guy 12d ago
If women can have the choice of abortion, men should have the choice of financial abortion.
If you disagree you're a hypocrite
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u/Certain_Shine636 12d ago
The choice about an abortion is the woman’s. If a man (or anyone) tries to decide for her, it’s abuse, coercion, and taking away her autonomy.
A man’s choice to have a child ends with how well protected he makes himself prior to sex. Once he’s made that deposit, it’s out of his hands.
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u/Specialist-Top-406 12d ago
It’s a complicated process, and I can understand someone wanting a choice in the matter. But ultimately it’s the woman’s decision, it’s her body, her recovery and her responsibility that is further instilled by maternity/paternity leave. A man has a right to care but not a right to choose
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u/the_OG_epicpanda 12d ago
it's simple, to women men are always the POS in any situation even if they're in the wrong
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u/weezeloner 12d ago
Because it is her body so it is her choice of whether or not to keep the child. If he wasn't interested in fatherhood then wear a condom. Having sex without a condom carries the risk of pregnancy. It doesn't matter if the woman is taking birth control.
A sister of one of my exes was on birth control and went on a date with a guy. First date. She got pregnant after that first date. They ended up getting married and as far as I know are still together 10+ years later. It was still not what either if them wanted at the time. But it worked out.
Pulling out while less effective than a condom is still quite effective. My wife doesn't take birth control. We have employed the pull out method during our entire relationship. 12 years and we have never had an unplanned pregnancy.
Any time a man tries to control what a woman does with her body, he is likely to be viewed as a POS.
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u/CutProfessional3258 12d ago
A man can want whatever he feels like wanting. But he can't impose that on another person. Just like a woman cant make a man get a vasectomy. The mans role in this decision which is very difficult on a woman is supportive only
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u/charlottebythedoor 12d ago
Because abortion isn’t only about unwanted parenting. It’s about unwanted pregnancy. And pregnancy only affects one of the parties.
For what it’s worth, I do think in a just world, both parties will be able to opt out of parenting. That means men will be able to opt out of child support if the mother wants to be a parent and the father does not. But in terms of putting that system into place, allowing men to opt out of child support before codifying a legal right to abortion for any reason during pregnancy would leave a lot of women and children impoverished, unhealthy, and dead. Abortion rights must be secured first, because pregnancy is the prerequisite to parenthood.
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u/CranberryBauce 13d ago
Because it's the woman's body and she alone has to deal with the repercussions of the procedure. People love to tell women, "Just keep your legs closed and you won't have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy," while no one is telling men to keep it in their pants to avoid unwanted child support.
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u/Akul_Tesla 13d ago
So some people have based their stance on bodily autonomy
This is actually a very foolish position because we're going to technology our way around that eventually
But the people who have that stance can exclude men from having the right to demand an abortion
That said, people who do not specifically have that stance have double standards because they're sexist
In addition, if they don't support the right paper abortions under that circumstances, they are also sexist
The main answer is people are sexist
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u/AClockwork81 13d ago
You’re wading down the wrong aisle on Reddit, take this to actual professional, trusted, or known intelligent people. You’re just gonna get a bunch of emotional lectures here from pseudo know it all’s. Good luck in your search!
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u/Thrakashogg 13d ago
No. Bodily autonomy means you can't tell someone else what to do with their body. If the man wants to carry the child, great. But until then only the woman has the right to terminate a pregnancy IN HER BODY.
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u/SinnerClair 13d ago
Idk why about society, but my own personal fix for this is:
Men don’t have to pay child support, AS LONG AS:
Abortion is widely available and entirely legal in every inch of the US
Women have the ability to legally request 50% of the abortion cost compensated by the man, as long as parentage is provable
If a woman chooses to keep her child, but the man doesn’t, he must formally renounce all ties to the child (similar to giving your child up for adoption)
The man must pay a court designated amount of pregnancy support. Not child-support, but for the pregnancy itself specifically. The amount can vary, much like child support depending on the needs of the mother and the ability of the father
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u/spoonface_gorilla 13d ago
I’m all for men deciding that they do not want to sustain life with their bodies as well. That’s what autonomy over their own bodies looks like. It’s weird how hard it is to understand autonomy.
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u/Danmoh29 13d ago
you fundamentally misunderstand the meaning of pro choice. it’s not just “pro abortion” it means you believe in the woman’s right to choose for herself
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u/corneliusgansevoort 13d ago
It comes down to who has the say over a woman's body. The answer is: that woman. Her baby-daddy can and should have an opinion, but it's her decision to make. Also home should always... ALWAYS wrap it up if he's not ready to potentially raise a child. That's just how sex works.
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u/BladeOfKali 13d ago
Because it isn't his decision to make.
If he didn't want a baby, he could have kept his pants on.
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u/ContemplatingPrison 13d ago
Lol the same people who call a man a POS for wanting an abortion will call a woman a POS for wanting an abortion
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u/CommieSharkGirl 13d ago
It’s not your body, why would it be your choice? Why would you even have the slightest say in the matter?
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u/Richard_Cranium_FU 13d ago
Because it isn't his body to make the decision about. HOWEVER...... If he has zero interest in having a child, raising it, being part of this person's life then I'm not sure he should be legally obligated to provide support because she wants to have the baby & he adamantly does not.
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u/Charming-Vacation-26 13d ago
Girls rule guys drool
We live in a gynocentric culture
Guys if you can't pay for the cow stop milking her.
Good luck you're going to need all the help you can get.
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u/MoneyAgent4616 13d ago
Men wanting women to have abortions is viewed differently because women's bodies don't belong to men.
Men not wanting to be responsible for a child they don't want is slightly different from them wanting a woman to have a serious medical procedure done.
Granted it still isn't "as" acceptable as women choosing not to have and raise a child but let's not act like women wanting abortions are exactly accepted either.
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u/mikenkansas2 13d ago
Men don't impregnate women except in cases of rape.
Two people get together, bump uglies and a child is created. Or a fetus I suppose (if it's wanted it's a child, if not it's a fetus). Women like to bump uglies as much as men do.
Posters suggesting that men not ready to procreate get a vasectomy are nuts, why not suggest women get hysterectomies?
I personally know a young man who, at 17, was assured by his older gf that because she'd had issues "down there" earlier in her life could never get pg. Praise the Lord!!! A Miracle occurred! The two dummies (she for baby trapping, he for being gullible) created another life.
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u/Meetsickle 13d ago
The implied scenario is not apples to apples. The second situation isn’t taking into account the will of the mother. This is the very heart of the debate. The argument being framed by so called pro life (which are really just pro birth) mindsets is biased to their own point of view and not those of the affected people. Most commonly putting the will of a human against the will of an organization.
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u/Itchy-File-8205 13d ago
I'm fine with a woman having total say about having the kid with her body so long as the man has total say about supporting the kid with his finances.
No guy really gives a fuck if you have the kid or not if they aren't on the hook for supporting them. There ought to be a legal process for a man to get out of all child support obligations so long as they expressed the desire to abort the child and are willing to give up all custody/visitation rights.
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u/Pleasant_Jump1816 13d ago
I think women have a right to terminate their pregnancies for any reason, but I also think men should have a right to terminate their rights if the woman chooses to carry the pregnancy and the man doesn’t want the baby.
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u/Puzzled-Barnacle-200 13d ago
Because the choice is of the person who's body it is. Forcing a woman to have a medical procedure to remove her unborn child against her choice would be highly unethical.
A man can want his partner to have an abortion, but he can't force it, and shouldn't pressure her. But his personal desires are still valid, even if not relevant to the decision.
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u/Gamer_GreenEyes 13d ago
I think it’s rude to have a child if the father doesn’t want one. Honestly I think that men would be so much better off if they always wore a condom (and made sure to dismount properly.)
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13d ago
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u/Large_Traffic8793 13d ago
Because one person is controlling their own body. And the other is controlling someone else's body.
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u/DismalTruthDay 13d ago
This is honestly one of those areas where I really feel bad for men. It’s a woman’s choice and he kind of has to go along with it. I can’t imagine wanting a kid and it’s terminated or not wanting a kid and it’s brought into the world. It just sucks!
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u/Nerd2000_zz 13d ago
I think it’s more about you trying to control someone else’s body. I think the equivalent may be that you have ball cancer and as a woman I decided I have a right to talk to a doctor about the ways in which we can cut that ball off. You would find that intrusive I imagine.
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13d ago
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u/ShinsBalogna 14d ago
Because it is not his body. You don’t get to decide what procedures to do or not do on someone else’s body. You CAN decide not to sleep with them.
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u/deadlysunshade 14d ago
Because men do not have the burden of pregnancy.
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u/ncreddit704 14d ago
They have a financial one as well as a life commitment far longer than the 9 months
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u/deadlysunshade 14d ago
Oh well. They still do not have the burden of pregnancy.
And that’s all that relevant, you know, regarding abortion.
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u/Chonkey808 14d ago
Because it's 100% the woman's choice. That's the deal. After the birth, the father has equal power in decision making.
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u/marshmallowgiraffe 14d ago
Same reason why she should get one if she wants to. It's her body. If dudes want to be sure they don't get anyone pregnant they either don't have sex, use protection, or best if all, get their tubes tied. Unless they don't know how it happens, he has no excuse.
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u/Loud_Blacksmith2123 14d ago
Why is it OK if you want to give to charity, but not OK if I force you to?
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u/CheddarGoblinMode 14d ago
That’s not a firm reaction to every man who suggests an abortion. But it’s not the man’s body so the choice is the fucking woman’s. Get a grip.
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u/MaryContrary27 14d ago
I kinda get both sides - it sucks when families/men pressure women to have abortions because of money issues when it would be nice if either single mothers got more help from government programs and/or not-for-profits or if man/family could afford to take care of a kid and they are just being cheap. But if I were a man, I wouldn’t feel comfortable having sex knowing if something did go awry I had no control, but I also understand it is just biology at that point.
Until we have a mechanical uterus, kinda gotta be this way
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14d ago
Her body her choice
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14d ago
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u/needlefxcker 14d ago
because in situations where the guy is seen as a pos, the question is usually actually "why is it acceptable when a woman wants/needs to receive a medical procedure on her own body, but when a man wants to make decisions about her body for her or tries to coerce her into getting a medical procedure she doesnt want, he's viewed as a pos?"
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u/Oopsididitagain96 14d ago
No. The woman is more obligated to care for it than the man. The man does not have to be pregnant, he can even give up his parental rights and dip. The woman is locked in for at least 9 months and it puts her body through hell.
Takes two to tango but it only takes one to grow a mango cheesy, I know but you get the point
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u/VeterinarianFar2967 14d ago
As a man it's my default mode to nurture and provide for a woman so she can be able to do what she wants. It's also default mode to assume a man is an idiot or an asshole until proven otherwise. Abortion is just one of many issues this can be applied to.
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u/Technical-Banana574 14d ago
Its not that the man is viewed badly for wanting her to get an abortion. He is voewed badly if he pushes for her to do something with her own body that she doesnt want to do. His body is unaffected. Hers is the one that will be affected.
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u/Odd_Nobody8786 14d ago
It's a control thing. As with issues between men and women; it all boils down to who is in control.
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u/Talking_on_the_radio 14d ago
The woman has a right to bodily autonomy: saying no to sex, using birth control, having an abortion, having the baby, putting the baby up for adoption, etc.
The man also has a right to bodily autonomy: saying no to sex, using birth control, getting a vasectomy and freezing sperm for later.
There doesn’t need to be a value judgement here. Don’t go around telling people your personal business if they will call you a POS.
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14d ago
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14d ago
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u/Tampered_Seal 14d ago
It's acceptable for women because it's inside and directly connected to their body.
It's unacceptable for men because it's not their body.
Glad I could provide that glaringly obvious answer for you.
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u/Instantlemonsmix 14d ago
Why are men and women not blamed for not using birth control and condoms?
Oh but it’s okay we can just get rid of the problem
For medical purposes and other things I get it to get off easy I really don’t
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u/JackOCat 14d ago
If the man's body was keeping the fetus safe and alive within it, then he would be the one who gets to decide.
Instead though the only physical demands of the man are 2 to 5 minutes of moderate cardio.
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u/DogMotif69 14d ago
because when you coerce, force someone under the threat of violence etc. to do what you say, you're a piece of shit. When people call men who want a woman to have an abortion, they're almost exclusively refering to the men who do the above actions. Nobody thinks (or atleast nobody should think) a man is a piece of shit solely for his opinion of the fetus he helped create and what he believes should happen.
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u/Hi_im_Piper 14d ago
Because he's, ultimately, not the one whose entire body and hormones are irrevocably changed.
Pregnancy is hard on women. Pregnancy is potentially deadly for women. Pregnancy changes a woman inside and out, for life.
If she chooses not to have an abortion, she has to live, intimately, with those consequences for the rest of her life. He won't.
Sure, if he's a decent man, he'll deal with the consequences of having a child with that woman for the rest of his life. But fatherhood is unfortunately a choice in our society. He doesn't have to step up, and he won't necessarily be looked down on for it. She has no choice. Even if she gives the baby up for adoption, the changes her body goes through are permanent.
Men are not POSes for wanting their partners to have abortions. They are POSes for thinking they get to make that decision for their partners, or that their opinion carries equal weight.
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u/JC_in_KC 14d ago
why is it acceptable for me to drink paint but when i want someone else to drink paint im “a monster”?
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u/Retread_1964 14d ago
Both are acceptable in my mind. The fact is, if the child is born, both parents face the responsibility, and many men aren't up for that lifetime burden. It's a discussion that needs to happen before getting intimate. It's up to the woman to make the choice, unfair to a father who wants the child, but ultimately, it's her health and her body.
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u/balanced_crazy 14d ago
because men don't have birthing privilege... Men's choices are limited to taking on the responsibility of the child. The child is coming out of mother's body hence she has a choice to not let it out of her body. Father, in such cases, exercised his choice of walking his kids out of his body a few nights ago already...
EDIT: clarifying that I belong to the group referred to as men.
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u/Spare_Respond_2470 14d ago
Just an aside,
People.
Stop having sex with people you do not want children with!
Do this. Every time you get ready to have sex with someone, look them in the eyes and say, "you're going to be the mother/father of my children."
If you still want to have sex after that, go for it.
Did you know,
Study: Many Women Who Had Abortions Felt Pressured by Others
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u/SuperTurboEX 14d ago
It’s really more about bodily autonomy and how men regulate women’s bodies and health.
I fully expect to get heat for this but it is fucked up how old white men dictate that a woman isn’t allowed to have an abortion, for any reason they want.
But if I impregnated a woman and she wanted to abort, I would use whatever sway I had to make sure that don’t happen.
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u/Current_Country_ 14d ago
Bc if he had a preference, he should have expressed it during the condom wearing stage.
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14d ago
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u/Healthy-Factor-2841 14d ago
Yes. The man’s choice comes before and during sex, though. Regardless, any two people sleeping together should have already had a convo about their feelings and plans should an accidental pregnancy come about. That’s when you both get to make a choice as well.
The person whose life is at stake naturally gets to make the final decision, though.
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u/IameIion 10d ago
Sure, a man and a woman aids in the conception of a fetus, but at the end of the day, the fetus is inside the woman's body.
She's the one who has to bear the burden of carrying it. Therefore, it is unfair for a man to have equal power in deciding the fate of the fetus.
I absolutely think he should have a say in the matter, but ultimately, the final decision is up to the woman.