Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ceuen1/comment/l1nh6cu/

So this will probably need other updates. The next day I messaged his Ex and told her what had happened. She said absolutely none of what he said was true. She lives 5K miles away and has nothing to gain from lying to me. She echoed what some have mentioned and that maybe he was having some kind of mental health crisis.

We don't live in the first world and there is only 1 clinic that does paternity tests, so I told him about it, the boy knows and is happy enough to go get a test with his dad, but to my knowledge he hasn't done this at all. Tempted to buy one off of Amazon and get it shipped tbh. Anyway I can't do the test for him, he has to do that.

So with some quiet distance, I decided to see what would happen, I did promise "in sickness and in health", so if it is a mental health crisis I should be there. Also he won't go see a doctor so that is kind of tough.

Last night he blew up again over something trivial while making dinner and was shouting "shut up shut up" at me, I calmly pointed out that I don't talk to him like that, so off he stomped and locked himself in the guest room and is not talking to me this morning. I really think it is starting to look like a mental health crisis

Am not sure what to do next other than to try and be calm, try not to let him upset me.

Listen, I can’t stand corn. I hate it. The taste and the texture. I used to hate peas and carrots but I’ve learned to deal with their taste as long as I have a bite of something else with them. However I still can’t stand corn. If there’s corn in a dish the flavor overpowers and I straight don’t like it. My husband cooked tonight, it was seriously delicious. Grilled shrimp, mashed potatoes and mixed veggies. As you can guess there was corn in the mixed veggies, so I made a small area on my plate and put the bits of corn there. I never did anything gross like take them out of my mouth but I made sure there was none on my fork before eating and if there was I would clear my fork, pick out the corn (with fork) and then try again. My husband got so mad and said I didn’t appreciate his cooking. I told him the food was delicious but it’s not an unknown fact I don’t like corn and it’s not my fault he added it into the vegetables. Anyways he’s grumbling about not making dinner anymore so I have to know; is it that big of a deal that I picked out something he knows I don’t like?

I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world. 

First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:

You’re 100% going to have a C-section anyway so just get a tubal while giving birth.

No, I’m not 100% going to have a C-section anyway. Twins are not an automatic C-section. With my birth history there is no reason to presume that a C-section is in my future. My OB agrees, and has discussed the possibility as doctors have to do but also said that based on my past two birth experiences, I'm a "perfect candidate" for vaginal delivery.

I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.

Go to another state and obtain an abortion anyway. 

I appreciate the personal offers to help I received in DMs deeply, but no. I’m in my 2nd trimester, which I know is still legal in some places, however I am at a point in my pregnancy where I personally as an individual do not feel comfortable obtaining an abortion, considering I would be *even farther* along by the time I could travel (which is not only finances, but logistics as well). I am 16 weeks pregnant now, these babies aren’t just clusters of cells to me anymore, and I’m not going to expand on that since it’s not up for debate. 

Why not adoption?

With love and respect to everyone who has gone through adoption in all its aspects, adoption is absolutely not for me. This is a thought process I already went through 8 years ago, and now that I’m a mother and not a scared teenager I know it’s even less for me. I personally could not go through with it and come out the other side intact. Going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me.

Leave him and give him full custody of the twins

No. Because going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me. Jesus, some of y’all. 

Just have a sexless marriage.

No. I love banging my husband, obviously lol. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage and anyone who has been to an abstinence-only high school knows that abstinence is not the way lol. There were a lot of comments assuming I would be perfectly fine withholding sex from my husband and having na dead bedroom, and I wouldn't. I have a sex drive. I'm going to want to bang my husband. Wanting to have sex with your spouse is *normal*.

What you would do about birth control if you divorced and dated in the future? 

I’m not thinking of dating anyone else right now, because I’m thinking more about saving my actual marriage instead of an imaginary relationship. And if theoretically I did, I would probably seek out a partner who was snipped or was ready to be to be honestly, or a woman. I’m bisexual so there’s a very good chance that my future partner wouldn’t have the right parts to knock me up anyway lol. 

Jack is sabotaging your birth control

I clarified my methods in the original post (as per my last email), but I did want to address this because it came up a LOT. I don’t have reason to believe that Jack sabotaged my birth control. A number of other fertile Myrtles showed up and brought up they or their family members repeated pregnancies in the face of birth control, including tubals. Accusing my husband of reproductive coercion for no reason other than I keep getting pregnant is a big leap and a weighty accusation. I am not the only fertile Myrtle out there, there's a reason there's a whole term for it.

Your husband is a narcissist, abuser, psychopath, and he does no childcare

My husband and I historically have a really healthy and loving relationship outside of this fight. In fact, this fight is the first time we’ve really had a fight, we’ve only ever had little arguments that we’ve been able to talk through. He’s an active father, the reason that I do the majority of childcare is due to circumstance between maternity leaves, our job schedules and the fact that I breastfed my babies. Someone also presumed I’m the breadwinner, which isn’t quite true. Jack makes more than me, but we do not have deeply significant differences in our incomes. When he is home he does his fair share of cleaning and cooking (arguably more than me at times), and parenting. That being said, the things he said in the heat of the moment were deeply concerning, and we’re addressing that together.

So to get down to **the nitty gritty of the real update**: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy.  It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.

As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.

My friend has a 3 year old daughter and she is separated from her husband because he is abusive and addicted to drugs/alcohol and she is fighting for full custody.

She doesn’t work and believes that a man should provide for the family. She wants him to have 0% custody, but provide 100% of their financial needs as a family.

Currently, they live separately, but he pays their rent and gives them $ for food sporadically. She says she’s often waiting for him to give her money so they can have food. She has no car.

As a mom myself, I cannot imagine relying on a man like that to keep a roof over my child’s head. I have kept my mouth shut a lot, but today she told me that the judge said to her “you need to let go of this stay at home mom crap”. She has no proof of the abuse, so I’m not sure which way it’s going to go.

She has also told me she is too traumatized to work, but I found out that there have only been about 4 episodes of violence in the past 4 years. I don’t want to diminish what she’s been through, but I originally thought it was much more frequent the way she spoke about it.

It seems to me that at any point he can just decide to stop paying her rent, and she and her daughter would be homeless.

She insists that she is owed alimony and since he gets a military pension, the money will never run out. However they aren’t divorced yet, and she doesn’t have alimony rights as of now.

She came to me today scared that she wouldn’t win her custody battle because he’s been denying the abuse and claiming she’s unfit because she isn’t working.

I am ignorant of child custody law but it seems to me if a parent isnt financially independent enough to provide a roof and food for their child that doesn’t make them able to be a reliable parent.

So I told her that I think the judge would look more favorably on her if she was willing to work. I told her I would be hesitant to grant custody to a parent that couldn’t provide a stable home. I told her that her and her daughter are on the brink of homelessness and it’s not fair to her daughter.

She got very angry and defensive and told me I had a different value system then her and she believes men should be required by law to provide for mothers and children. She said even though she disagrees with my lifestyle as a working mom, she doesn’t shame me for putting my son in daycare.

It’s hard to be friends with someone who continually wants to complain about their circumstances but not do anything to help themselves.

Should I just keep my opinions to myself? I have kept my mouth shut a lot, but today I expressed my opinion because I am genuinely scared her and her daughter are much closer to homelessness than she’d like to believe.

2 years ago I had a gastric sleeve surgery. With that, I cannot drink for about 30 minutes before or after eating. If I do, it can be extremely painful or causes me to be able to eat even smaller amounts than I am already eating. (My stomach is only the size of a medium banana.)

When we go out to restaurants I am always asked by the waitstaff what I want to drink and I respond "nothing thank you." Then they always respond with "are you sure?" or "not even water?" And I say "No, nothing. Thank you." My husband will always interject and say "Go ahead and bring her water." And then as they walk away he will tell me "I'll drink it." Every. Single. Time.

I feel like he is making me look like I can't make my own decisions and that he's ordering it for me because he's saving the waitress a trip because I'll change my mind mid meal.

Last night the normal routine happened and as the waitress walked away I snapped at my husband "I don't want a water, if YOU want a water order one." My husband got pissed at me and said I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is and I'm over reacting. My 14 year old daughter then jumps in and says "Jeeze Mom! Just stop!!!"

So I stopped. I stopped talking completely.

My husband then goes on with a new topic acting like the previous conversation never happened.
I didn't respond (I know, not real mature on my end). He got all pissed again saying "Oh, and now you're not talking to me." I gave up and just said "Yeah. Uh huh." to whatever he was saying.

AITAH for telling him not to order water for me and if he wants water then order himself some?

My boyfriend (33m) keeps brining up my (27f) sexual history.

We have been together for one year, in which the body count question was never asked. However recently he asked for my sexual partner number, which is 9. These where all from a traumatic time in my teenage years, so not loving or romantic and I am very ashamed of these experiences.

Since he asked me the question, it has been about 6 months and he continues to bringing it up. He said I mislead him the whole relationship.

When we have an argument he brings it back up. He said I need to 'sit with the emotions' and let him be angry, but I am sick of it as I have apologized and I know my wrong doings but it never ends I don't know what to do anymore.

Can anyone share any perspective? I understand his hurt about feeling mislead, but I don't know how much to take from his anger anymore it just doesn't end.

Long story short my mother has been battling dementia for around 12 years, and around four years ago she needed more care than what myself and my siblings could reasonably provide.

My parents were not exactly wealthy, but they did work hard their entire lives and they always had the goal to leave a "legacy" behind. My siblings wanted to split the cost of placement, at the time I was not in the place to help fund her care without great sacrifice. So I told my siblings to take my portion of the estate to cover the cost which includes the money my parents earmarked for each grandchild I knew it was not going to be enough but it was the least I could do.

I did not tell my wife because I did run the plan for my siblings by her she also agreed we could not afford to take on the amount they wanted which was around 3k a month.

My mother passed away Feb of last year, took this long to settle her estate and my wife was upset when we did not get a portion of the estate, I told her I told my siblings to use my portion to cover my side of the expenses.

She was livid, I did my best to explain that she agreed we could not afford to pay 3k a month, and we lived too far away to provide personal assistance so I came up with a compromise.

She felt it was not my place since that money was also intended for our kid. I told her I see where she is coming from but I was not going to take money away from my parents or siblings if I was not helping in some shape or form.

Was I the ass here?

Edit point of clarification I did not provide my whole life story since I did not think it was needed.

I do agree I should have told her, I do not know why I did not tell her and I am going to apologize for not telling her.

As for why my siblings did not use her money as far as I know it was for tax reasons. Her assets were not liquid. I know the subject came up when it came time to pay for college cause our mom got officially diagnosed when I was 14, she had early onset dementia. They were talking about selling some assets to cover my college costs, I told them it was not needed since I got a scholarship and worked to cover my living expenses.

Our mother was cash-poor, for as long as I can recall my oldest sibling covered the majority of the household costs. I never really gave how much money my mother had much thought, I was also oblivious to the hell my siblings went through shielding me from reality.

That being said the reason they did it the way they did was for tax reasons and it was just easier that way. I do not know the details and tbh I don't even care. I wish I could give them more because they gave me so much. I know it was painful for our mom to refer to them as strangers but always lit up when she saw me, yet she was in the lovely place she was because of them. I simply existed.

End of the day I do owe my wife an apology and I will do so, as for the money that is the least I could do for all they have done for me.

I can never repay them for all they did for me.

TL;DR

My husband cheated with a man. I had pictures. His mom snooped. His parents are making his life difficult.

I (F30) kicked my husband (28) out of my house. It was my house prior to us getting married and it remains my house now.

I knew when I married him that he was bisexual. I was okay with it as long as he understood that we were monogamous. I said that I would never agree to an open relationship and if that was what he wanted he needed to be with someone else.

He agreed and said that I was the person he wanted to be with and that I was more than enough to satisfy him.

He lied. I found out he was having an affair with a man. I went through his iPad and took all the pictures for myself. Graphic. In a Mapplethorpe kind of way. When I confronted him he became physically aggressive. I was scared. He calmed down when I got Siri to call 911. He left.

Anyway I did not want him in my house again ever. When he wanted his things I asked him to make a list and send it to me.

I found every single thing on the list. I asked him where to send the box. He said he would pick it up. I told him that I would not let him set foot in my house and that I would call the cops if he tried.

He said he would send friends to get his stuff. I said I would leave his box o' crap with the front desk at my work. He didn't want to make them drive into the city.

We compromised and I agreed to give his parents a temporary code for my house. They are lovely people and I trusted them. I could see everything on my security system and I would know if he tried getting into my house.

The deal was that they would use the code, get the box from the front entrance then close and lock the door. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Instead it went difficult difficult lemon fucked.

I guess he didn't have everything on his list. He asked them to get something from my bedroom. Not the deal at all.

I had my pictures of his infidelity in my room in my chest of drawers. In an envelope. So to reiterate to find these pictures his mom had to go past our agreed limit into my house. She then had to enter my bedroom, open my chest of drawers, open an envelope, and look at what was inside.

I felt violated watching the video. Then I giggled like a little kid. It was hilarious. I see them come into the house. They use the code and open the door. His dad comes in and grabs the box. He goes back to their vehicle with the box. His mom hesitates before walking into my house and going to my room. She goes to my chest and opens the top drawer where we kept a box full of jewelry. She sees an envelope with his name on it. She looks around, I'm not sure why. Then she looks at the contents. She screams, I assume since I have my feed on video only, then she stuffs the pictures back in closes the drawer and goes running for the truck. My father in law comes to the door, locks it and leaves.

I guess he never told his parents about his proclivities. To say that this has created a problem for him is to take it lightly.

I get a call from him. He says I left the pictures out for his parents to find. I did not. I should have scattered them on top of the box his parents picked up but that felt cruel and unnecessary. Like I said I have always found them to be lovely people.

I told him where the pictures were. He said that he forgot bout a ring he left off the list and he told his mom where it should be. I said I would have tossed it in the box if he told me. He said he forgot until they were on their way.

He is upset that his parents know he is a power bottom. He is not happy at their house now and he is going to find somewhere else to stay. He said I'm an asshole for causing this problem.

I think there are other candidates for assholehood.

1. Him for cheating.
2. Him for getting his parents to go against our agreement.
3. His mom for going against our agreement.
4. His mom for snooping.
5. His parents for homophobia.

My son is 13 and we just moved back to my hometown after I haven’t lived here for 27 years. He’s been struggling a little more at school this year and we have been concerned about the bad influence from some of his classmates.

My sister has two special needs kids and it was a very dramatic impact on our entire family when her first son was born with CP. She has become an advocate and the rest of the family can feel her anguish.

My son got in trouble at school. The teacher claimed he was picking on a special needs kid. I accidentally sent a message to him and my mom about the incident, I mistakenly meant to include his mom, my spouse, but basically ousted him to my family when I accidentally sent it to my mom instead.

So this upset my mom and family and we were there for dinner. My mom pulled my son aside and whispered in his ear “if you ever pick on a special needs kid again, I’m going to beat the shit out of you”.

This upset my son and when his mom found out she was pissed. She reached out to my mom to discuss it. My mom avoided the conversation for a few weeks until too much time had gone on to address it.

Today I was talking to my sister and she mentioned a small conflict she had with our mom. I brought up the situation with my son only to say how my mom avoided the conflict. My sister doubled down and said “sorry; I’d beat the shit out of him too!”

My reply- “nobody will be laying a hand on my fucking kid!” As much as I tried to de-escalate the situation and explained no parent or grandkid should ever speak to a kid like that, she kept deflecting and said my spouse is not a good parent, my son should be on medication and has ADHD (he’s been tested and doesn’t), I eventually said I’m sorry she was upset but the fact remains no one will be touching my kid and I hope she feels the same way about hers.

I quickly got off the phone but am still steaming at the audacity and double standard about this. I can’t believe I’m the AH here but I know somehow an irrelevant comment during this spat will be their focus and how I’m wrong.

I’m open minded and would also love some feedback, maybe I’m too close to the situation to have an unbiased view of it.

EDIT: after a few comments I wanted to add. We did take this situation very seriously. He lost all of his privileges and we scolded him, especially because he should be more sympathetic since this is something we are familiar with in our family.

Hi! I didn't expect to do an update here but honestly I just want  to evacuat everything that happened today. 

Original : I (25M) met this guy "J" (25M) through my roommate. We hit it off, and after a couple of weeks, I asked him out. We started going on dates and eventually began dating.

Fast forward five months, he was going to visit his parents and invited me along. When we arrived, his mom asked if I was his boyfriend. He cut her off and referred to me as his "friend." I was confused and greeted her anyway. He did the same thing with his dad and sister.

During the ride back, our conversation went approximately like this:

Me: Are we just friends with benefits to you?

J: No.

Me: Then why did you tell your family I'm just a friend?

J: Because we're not a couple.

Me: Then what are we?

J: ...

He remained silent for the rest of the ride. The next day, he acted like nothing had happened. I tried to discuss it with him multiple times, but he brushed it off.

I had to move out of my apartment for unrelated reasons and didn't tell J or my ex-roommate my new address. I stopped talking to him and replying to his messages. Now, three weeks later, he showed up at my door. He told me, he contacted my brother to get my address. He called me an asshole for ghosting him, accused me of cheating on him (he saw me hanging out with a girl he doesn't like). I told him I can hang out with whomever I want, especially since he said we're not a couple. He cursed at me a bit before saying I should have just broken up with him. Again, I thought we weren't a couple. He ended up leaving,a dn crying.

Even though I believe I did the right thing, my friends told me I might have been a little harsh on him. So to prove the point, I am writing this and letting the internet judge.

AITA for ghosting my boyfriend after he said we weren't a couple?

Edit : Yes, he is out. His family knows, during dinner they even asked him if he add any news about his ex-bf

I am bi, (he is gay). I know that his ex (bi) cheated on him

Edit 2 : I looked at the comments with my friends and I understand what I did was childish, but I stick to it. My main problem was that he did not give me an answer. Not FwB, not a couple. I was his friend I guess? I let the internet judge.

Update: Two days after J showed up at my apartment, I was playing video games at my friend’s house when I heard my phone ringing. I picked up without looking at the number. It was one of J’s friends. He told me that for the past two days, J has been drinking non-stop . Saying that he was gonna KHS. He then asked me if I could meet with him to “cool him down” because he was not listening to any of his friends/family. I honestly did not want to see nor talk to him, but I did not want this situation to go that far. So I agreed to meet him.

I met J this morning in a public place. He was already there when I arrived. We talked for about an hour and a half. He told me about his relationship with his ex. It is a long story, but to make it short: The guy would be sweet, then mocking him in front of friends, cheating on him with a girl, begging for forgiveness. And the cycle repeats, it went on for 4 years. He also confessed lying to me about how long they were separated. When we met he told me that they broke up a year ago, they broke up 3 months before we met. He told me that he was that way with me because I apparently have the same profile as his ex (white, tall, bi). And because he could never make him feel like he did to him. He got it on me instead. Saying that he wanted to “feel powerful” for once in a relationship.

I asked about the cheating. He started crying and said that even though he never slept with anyone, he did some sexual stuff with one of his friends twice (the one that called me). J then told me that he is thinking about getting into therapy so we can “start over on healthy bases" because he “loves me”.

Tbh I did feel sorry for him about how his ex treated him. But the “I love you” thing made me feel weird, and uncortable. I told him that I did no want any kind of relationship with him, but that regardless he still should go to therapy. J started crying again, aked me if I was dating someone esle and if it was a women. I said that it is not of his business. He apologised multiple times. I paid the bill and left. I blocked the number of his friends and social media (he was already blocked, but they were unfollowed).

I don’t know really how to fell about that. I just feel weird

Before I get started; here’s a little background as to why… We have been together going on 4 years and have a blended family, I have my biological daughter 100% of the time as my child’s father is not in the picture. My fiancé has his kids every Thursday-Friday and every other weekend. 2 weeks ago, my child and his child had a disagreement, we were outside discussing the issue away from the children and it got heated, but we resolved the issue and went back into the house. His child called Biomom and she showed up unannounced, barged into our house and starts blowing up at us telling us to get our f’ing sh*t together and takes his kid and leaves, 10 minutes later the cops show up for a domestic dispute. Which we explained to the cops we were outside in the garage and his ex wife showed up and took his son due to him overhearing us arguing. (The garage is a distance from the house). They agreed that families will have disagreements and there was no domestic dispute. They left. My fiancé and I both agreed that he would take his kids with him as there have been other issues of him leaving them with me and they constantly call bio mom to either come get them or saying there’s issues with my child and has caused a lot of problems with our household and biomom. Tonight he had to pick his oldest up and asked if his youngest could stay and I told him no, we discussed this and think it’s best he takes them with him. He bursted out and said come on “they don’t want you here”. Now he’s giving me the silent treatment and saying it’s “my fault”. So. Am I in the wrong for telling him to take his kids with him anytime he leaves?

I want to thank everybody that took the time to reply even if it was against us, you gave us the push we needed to clear the situation. I am sorry this is long.

I showed my Husband the post and after spending a long time reading the comments he decided enough was enough. Yesterday morning he texted my SIL and MIL telling them he would like to meet and have this over with, MIL said we could do it in the afternoon and that Laura was coming too, we all said OK.

My SIL and BIL met us at the door because they didn't want to go in before us. It was really tense since the beginning, Laura tried to hug everybody but we asked her to please not. Then she tried to hug my Husband and he was slightly less polite and asked her to not touch him. My MIL was very cheerful somehow and my FIL was just offering everybody drinks and snacks, he was like living in his own reality.

We sat down and after what felt like the longest 5 silent minutes of my life my Husband turned to Laura and asked her if she could please leave him alone. Laura responded that he was her Dad and she will need his support when she goes to Uni since she was planning to move to our city and it was very expensive and hard to find a place, she said she knew he own his own place and that he clearly has money to spare so she was wondering if he would help her out. My Husband said no, that he was already paying child support and will stop as soon as the law allows him to.

She was upset but somehow kept going, she turned to me and said that at the end of the day what is my Husband's will go to her since MIL explained the inheritance laws to her and she wanted to be in good terms with me for when we need to decide what to do with the house, etc. I just told her not to worry because the house is on my name only and there is already a will covering it all. MIL knew about the will but not the house situation. Laura was a bit taken aback and looked at my MIL like asking for help.

She said that even if there is no future money she thought my Husband was unfair to her and that she used to think he simply didn't want to be a Dad but he is amazing with Mark and we even take him on trips. My SIL asked her point blank if she knew how she was conceived and she does. Laura knows everything and says that while it was not the nicest way her Mom wanted her so badly that made it happen. She said SIL should understand because she has her cousin and she would love a relationship with him. My SIL was seething and BIL told Laura he will literally call the cops if she tries to get near Mark.

She started crying saying that she wanted her family to love her and be as awesome as everybody is with Mark and that it is not her fault and her Mom is not a bad person she just wanted a family and my Husband denied them that. my Husband said that it was the lying and the deception that costed the relationship not him, that if there was an honest mistake things would have been different. He told her he will never be her Dad and she needs therapy, he said that she could get a job instead of expecting him to pay for her life in the long term and that he is not willing to have contact after today.

MIL started begging both her kids not to go and maybe do family therapy, they both said they are going NC with her and FIL is on thin ice. MIL is blocked everywhere.

I guess this is it. NC with MIL from all of us, SIL and Husband seem actually pretty happy with the decision. We had dinner together and the topic was dropped after a couple minutes and we focused on other stuff. I am sorry there is no Disney ending but this is for the best and I still support my Husband's mental health above all.

Edit:

I think I would like to play a little devil's advocate regarding the money. When Mark was born we started being very active in his life. We have yearly passes to the zoo, get him nice things, pick him up from daycare twice per week, got him to Disneyland Paris, etc. I believe my MIL was showing her pictures and that is why it came out like this. Or at least it is my assumption of it. Her Mom is not poor by any means, but she does have 2 other kids. Our city is very popular for student life which makes it that much expensive.

My Husband and I are not interested in having or not children on our own, we simply are ambivalent about the issue. I know it might have made MIL even more eager to have a relationship with Laura. We were giving her pocket money for some time but we have decided to stop that as well and let her figure things out with her pension alone.

I don't think we will have anything else to update in this case other than if Laura or MIL come around Mark but I highly doubt this will happen. As much as we don't want a relationship with any of them these are a teenager and a pensioner, not criminal masterminds.

I have never in my life felt badly about this, but I'm getting a lot of flak from an acquaintance with whom I shared this story, We've agreed to abide by the reddit verdict about whether or not this was a heinous thing to do.

Too many years ago now, I dated a medical student (named CI for this story) at my university when I was an undergraduate. We moved in together during our respective senior years, and I was feeling a lot of pressure in the relationship. Medical students do not have much control in where they do their residency, and he was intensely encouraging me to move with him, regardless of the impact on my future and whether or not I even wanted to live in the area of his future placement (which at the time we didn't even know where that would be).

At the same time, I was beginning to suspect he was cheating on me. Of course he told me I was "crazy" when I voiced my suspicions, until I skipped class one day only to go back to our apartment, and of course there he was in bed with a fellow medical student, and of course she was the one he told me I was "crazy" to think he was even attracted to.

After we all stared at one another in shock, I turned to go. Then I had an absolute flash of inspirational genius. I turned back, and said to him, "Please tell me you told her. Please tell me you didn't do to her what you did to me."

She said, "Tell me what?" And he said, "What are you talking about?" I started repeating what I said, sounding more and more upset (not hard to do, since I really was); they both started scrambling to wrap sheets around themselves and get up, asking me what was I talking about. I finally said, "Please tell me he told you he has herpes."

That landed like a bomb. I started babbling, "He told me it was okay when he infected me, that we were going to be together forever, that we would manage it together..." She started yelling at him, he started screaming at both of us, and I just slammed out of there.

I only said that in the heat of the moment, and only to those two people. However, SHE told EVERYBODY. And because she didn't want to be known as a "homewrecker", she told everyone she found out some other way than CI's girlfriend telling her (I've never been clear on exactly what her story was, but it was apparently believable). People started avoiding him like the plague (that he didn't have). And whenever I was asked about it, I staunchly said, "I don't know anything about it."

He even tried to get me to sign an affidavit admitting that I lied about him having herpes, but I avoided that by telling even him that I didn't know what he was talking about. After all, that's not how his little girlfriend said she found out, remember?

My dad came up to school to help me move out, and I finished my senior year in a crappy sublet, but free from all of that drama. He eventually moved for his residency, to a place I wouldn't even visit on a bet, and we've never seen each other since.

So, Reddit community, AITAH?

I found out that the priest (Anglican) I made a confession to has shared that confession with his wife and another priest friend. I too am a priest and made certain he knew what I was sharing was my confession and he agreed to those terms before having the conversation. AITAH for filing a complaint?

Thank you for all the support and kind words; it has been eye-opening. So, yesterday, after my sister left crying, she didn't come home immediately; she waited for her kids' school to be dismissed to pick them up. I know I should have expected her to try and poison them against me, but I really wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt that she wouldn't stoop that low.

When they came home, the children were crying; they ran up to me, asking me not to hate them - that broke me. My niece went into a panic attack because when she gets overwhelmed, she starts having panic attacks. I've brought her to a doctor before, and she was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety, so it takes a lot of my energy to calm her down, as someone with ADHD as well.

I asked my mom to take the kids to my room, as that's the only place they feel safe when they're overwhelmed. After they were out of earshot, I went off on my sister; I became a little personal with some of the things I said, but here's the gist of it: "When will you grow up? You've had 7 to 8 years to run around, party, and do as you please while I've been raising your children to the point where they call me mom. When will you wake up and be the best mother to your children instead of going out drinking and jumping from one man to another? I'm sick and tired of you; I'm not putting my life on hold for you; I've done enough for you. I love the kids, but as the only sensible role model they have, I doing this to show them it's okay to leave people behind. So, get your shit together and be the best mother you can to those kids because they're amazing. Do you think dealing with two children who have ADHD and are on the spectrum is easy? It's not, but I did do it without any help from anyone, not even mom, because she was always working, and I can't really blame her because my dad passed, and she was the only one there to work and provide for my younger brother and me. So, yeah, I basically raised three kids from age 11 till now, and that's going to change."

I left her in the living room and called Tony and James, my niblings' father; I explained the situation, and I told them it's time for them to be a part of their children's lives, like they can't just send child support because children need their parents for proper development. Our 34-year-old older brother, Josh, called mom and told her to have me pack my bags and move in with him until my program started. I'm going to write letters for my niblings so their mom doesn't cause any more damage. I've made a list of things they like, how to get them to take their medicine, and how to calm them down; I even have a scrapbook of all our moments for each of them.

I did later explain to them that I'll always love them; I'm worried, even though I taught my niece how to take care of herself and her brother, I don't want a repeat of my upbringing; they deserve way more than that. My mom also apologized for neglecting me and not being a good mom; I've forgiven her. Later, after I helped my niblings with their homework, bathed them, and put them to bed, and started my homework, my sister came into my room, asking if we could talk; I said yes. She apologized, yes, she did; she said she was jealous that I didn't make any wrong decisions, and she's going to send the kids to their father while she gets into rehab and therapy because her behavior isn't normal, and she's going to try to be the best mother she can; she thanked me for everything I did for her and the kids. I was crying at this point; I guess she just realized how hurt the kids are when she told them I hated them and that I was leaving. I told her she's forgiven, but not fully; she has to show me she will change; she hugged me and left. I guess this is a start, even though it's small; it's still a change; let's see how long it will last.

I'm trying to get into therapy, but I'm on a waiting list. The earliest appointment available is in 9 months, which is a start, I suppose. Once again, thank you for all the support.

So I have been with my husband for 5 years. We both are 30 years old. We live about 5 hours away from his mom, whom he is low contact with and has been long before we got together. In my opinion after meeting her, she views her son in a very weird way. She thinks I am the reason he rarely talks with her, which is weird since he rarely spook to her long before we even met. When I have met her, she has said stuff like I can’t compete with her, that she has his heart deep down but he is too afraid to admit it. That a sons love for his mother his nothing compare to what he “pretends” to feel for me.

So we mer her yesterday, we had not seen her for a year prior to this and even if they are low contact, my husband still wants to see his mom from time to time, which is understandable. Everything was going like usual, not good but it wasn’t awful either. After some time she, from nowhere, says “You used to love your mommies big boobs all the time when you were a little boy, don’t you ever miss them when you touch her flat chest?”. We both were so fucking dumbfounded that we both stopped eating. He just asked what was wrong with her and got up from his seat and told me that we are leaving. I got up and told her “No wonder he barely talks with you, you are fucking weird, you know that?”. We left and she started to text both of us, but mainly me.

The consensus of her texts was that I am taking her son from her, that it is unacceptable to talk to a woman like that. She don’t understand what he sees in me and that she will be waiting for the day he comes to his senses and returns to “mommie”. She said that she hopes he don’t gets me pregnant and that if I do, she fears for how ugly her grandchildren will be (due to my looks). She also said that calling someone such an evil thing like I did is a new point of low that she didn’t even think I was able to reach.

My husband blocked her immediately and I did so too after all her texts. He is angry at her but also extremely ashamed. He has said that he never wants to see her again and has expressed countless of times how sorry he is for taking me to her house.

I initially felt like I did no wrong. But after everything she texted me I feel awful. I can’t help to feel like I was an asshole for calling her that, what she said was weird, but maybe it was an awful thing of me to have said that. I could’ve simply just left without saying anything. I feel dumb and like an asshole after everything she told me.

So, my daughter (14f) is physically and mentally delayed. She has cerebral palsy and she has the mentality of an 8-10 year old. Daughter told me that my mother's (69F) husband (61M) was standing in the doorway of her bedroom and took her arm and made her touch his private area and then whispered to her that it was their little secret. My daughter literally cannot lie. If you tell her we are going to surprise someone and but to say anything, 2 mins. Later she's telling that person because she didn't like lying about it. I believe my daughter. I confronted this man and, of course, he denied it, and then my mother got involved, and she is refusing to believe either me or my daughter, her own grandchild! (Side note. This man is not my father, he's nothing but my mother's husband) she's pissed at me because I'm believing my daughter, saying that this man wouldn't do anything like that, that he's a Christian and a while lot of other things. They left, and my family is in shambles. We all (me, my husband, and my 12 yr old son) believe my daughter. My mother thinks I'm an AH because I 'won't sit down to talk with them'. How can I when she's trying to protect that monster? Even when I told her I was reacting the way any parent would in this situation, she still refused to believe it. I have gone completely no contact with them and yes, a report has been filed and an investigation is underway. My daughter is heartbroken because she doesn't understand why her grandmother doesn't believe her and is upset because she can't talk to her anymore. My son has so much anger now, not understanding why someone that was supposed to be a safe person would do this to his sister, my husband is crushed and angry, it's taking everything I have to stop him from doing something stupid, and me? I'm the one trying to hold the pieces of my family together, trying to be there for all of them, and I'm falling apart inside. I've completely lost my mother, at this point, I have NO mother. Everyone I've spoken to family wise agrees in doing the right thing, but one of my mother's friends reached out to me and said I was the AH for not sitting down and talking with them. So, AITAH?

Me and my ex wife (Mary) have been together for 7 years and married for 2. We waited to have babies cause we wanted first to be financially stable and after 2 years we started trying to have a baby. So a few months passed by when i caught her cheating on me. I immediatly told her that i wanted divorce and she went crazy trying to suggest couple therapy, to forgive her, to think wisely cause "everyone make mistakes" (her words) and all this type of bs but i was adamant on my decision and never forgave anyone for cheating in my life and never would. Our divorce was quick (thanks to a prenup) but unfortunetly very drammatic cause during the separation and even in court Mary wouldn't stop crying and begging me to think back at my decision. Fortunetly like i said it was quick and i always thank god for the idea of the prenup cause it avoided a lot of other drama and discussion. I still have everything and since she cheated on me i didn't have to pay her anything. The thing is that after i caught her cheating i tried my best to cut all contacts with her and to talk with her only through my lawyer and when finally the divorce was finalized i changed my number and house to avoid any unnecesary and useless drama.

3 years passed by and i'm still trying to recover cause it really hurted me deep and cause i really loved her but unfortunetly cheating is one of the few things i never forgave anyone but thanks to my therapist i'm slowly recovering and getting better.

Now the issue is this: after my divorce i didn't heard news from Mary so i didn't knew anything about her, her life and anything else and a few days ago i found out, reluctantly, that she had a big accident in the car and was hospitalized in serious conditions. I know this only because 2 days ago i bumped into Mary's parents in the supermarket and they immediatly told me this. (Even if i don't understand why) Then they said that it would be nice if i go to visit her at the hospital cause despise what happened between us Mary was always an important part of my life and i told them that i would never go to "visit" her cause Mary wasn't my problem anymore and i don't have to do anything for her. We started arguing and i clealry told them that i don't give a fuck about Mary, her life and what she is doing cause she cheated on me breaking my trust and they always justified her cheating blaming me for what happened so she can go to hell and then i left.

They reached out to my parents and told them what happened and now my father and my sisters agrees with me while my mother is insisting that i was a huge asshole cause Mary for how bad hurted me was always my ex-wife so a quick visit wouldn't change anything for me. My friends are divided on the issue so here i'm.

So folks of reddit AITAH?

Edit: i'm happy that the most of you are on my side and i want to say honestly that i'm extremely resentful and i hold grudges but that's my character. This story with my ex leaved a mark in me and whatever is connected to her makes me angry and resentful like i never was cause i really loved her and divorcing was one of the most difficult things i ever did cause if on the outside i appear tough and strict on the inside i thought a lot about Mary and on the possibility to give her another chance but then i think at what she did to me and how badly i was in this 3 years and my resentment grow more and more. With Mary's parents i had a decent relationship cause they were never happy about our relationship and were ALWAYS skeptical for some reasons that i don't know. And the last thing is about my mother: at the moment i thought nothing of what she said but now that many of you told me about her thoughts of cheaters and cheating i'm gonna have a talk with her and my father cause ok that my mom was close with Mary but this episode is off and when i will have a talk with her i will update you so again thank you all and you restored a bit of hope in me. P.S. i'm dating a wonderful woman since a few months and i hope things will go smoothly.

(Removed from AmITheAsshole because no reproductive stories are allowed)

I 26F just gave birth to my son two months ago. My Husband Devin (34M) and I have a prenup that dictates that I am to receive a gift upon the birth of a child that is biologically ours, called a "bump gift", it may seem a bit silly but a lot of his work friends also have this clause because "She does all the hard work building the baby, a whole 9 almost 10 months, that is worthy of a gift." To keep the legitimacy of the clause it requires a paternity test before it takes effect. My husband works in stock trading and makes very good money so I can afford to stay at home, though I do work remotely as a marketing and data analyst.

Because of the prenup, as soon as our son was born Devin and I went for a paternity test, it was positive as I never cheated and never would. Devin bought me two year subscriptions for my favourite book subscription boxes, (One is YA and the other Adult Fantasy) I usually only get 3 month subscriptions because of the cost but was so happy he chose this gift. Though both of us agree the test was purely a formality as we trust each other.

A few nights ago we were at my in-laws house for dinner, Devin's dad also works in stock trading and they talk about work over dinner whereas his mom and I are both avid readers so we talk about recent books.

His sister Erika (30F) and her husband (36M), were there, even though it is usually just Devin, my FIL, my MIL, and I, and they just had a baby three months ago, though Erika has a history of infidelity and her husband has struggled with accepting paternity. I mentioned how cute her daughter was and told her how glad I was that we all had babies so close in age. Her husband snapped and mentioned that he should get a paternity test, because he was sure the baby was Erika's but unsure if the baby was his. Erika said that nobody in their right mind would do a paternity test and asked me if I agreed.

I said that Devin and I did a paternity test two days after our son was born. And that I wasn't bothered because I knew that our son was his. She freaked out on me for acting like it wasn't a big deal and made dinner really awkward.

I feel like a total asshole because I know we got paternity tests for vastly different reasons, but I also feel like she asked me the question and I answered honestly. AITA?

So for context, I am 35m living on the west coast

My parents are retired, divorced, and live on the east coast independently. I have a sister (37f) who lives near them

My parents and myself are financially well off. Money is not an issue for any of us.

That said, I’m kind of confused at my parents recently having asserted that they’d only ever visit me if I pay their airfare. They say I should because I can. While this is true, what upsets me is that they’d pretty much be willing to never see me again over $200. I have no issue actually footing the bill everytime I fly them out. But I just kind of feel like a loser, turning to parents-for-hire

My sister is not financially literate and terrible with money. She recently just had a kid, and my parents have no issue heavily financially supporting her. I’m told the reason for this, again, comes to necessity.

This dichotomy between my sister and I also just makes me a bit more bummed. I am not sure if I am making something out of nothing

It’s just a bit upsetting to think I’m not worth a $200 r/t ticket. The fact that they’re so staunchly against paying just because I can, perplexes me. Especially because everytime I’ve seen them yet, I paid to fly them out.

Theyre willing to literally never see me again if I don’t foot the bill for them to fly out. AITAH for taking this personally and to heart?

If they were not well off and the money mattered, that would be different, I think. But the fact that they can but don’t, almost makes it feel worse

This is my first post and I’m not exactly sure what to do.

I’m a type one diabetic and my mothers threatening to withhold my medication.

So when I was in the car the other day I was talking with my mum (47 F) and she asked me if I could pick up my siblings(10 F and 8 M) from school that day. Now I usually don’t pick my siblings up from school I usually catch the bus as our house is about a 30 minute walk away from school along a main road. And I don’t like to walk them as they always run away from me or can’t keep up.

So I asked my her if she could give me more notice for when I had to pick them up. I also asked if she could pick them up instead as I really don’t like walking on the main road.

She replied in a snappy way and said “ well you don’t have to hold their hand or anything” I told her that wasn’t what I wanted and then explained that I really didn’t like walking home with them.

And I kid you not she hit me with the classic. “ Well I really didn’t want to have to walk you to school when you were little”

Now I lost it after that. She’s always coming up with lines like that. I told her it wasn’t my job to take care of them and that it was her responsibility as a parent to look after me when I was little.

She started going on about how I don’t take part in this family ( I really do try but I find it rather difficult to connect with people ) she went on about all the things she dose form me. And at the end she asked me “ What do you think would happen if I just stopped paying your medical bills ”

At this point we’re at school so I just get out of the car and am so done with her but before I can leaves she tells me not to bother coming home.

I would like to point out I’m an early Teen and have no where to go.

Later that day I came home and just avoided my mum. I did talk to my dad about it but he has always been a bit of a sit-back and let them figure it out kinda guy.

Next day I end up getting up earlier and walking to school. I didn’t want to talk to my mum.

I came home today and went to my room. Later my mum came in and asked if I had anything to say to her.

I tried to explain how I felt about everything but she ended up just walking away.

About 3 hours later she yelled at me from her room “when I was going to order my transmitter. “ ( transmitter is a type of medical device I use to keep track of my blood sugar levels )

I told her I didn’t know how to order a transmitter and that it was her job to do that as my mother. She told me that I’d better learn now that she wouldn’t be paying for them.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know how to order a Transmitter

I don’t know we’re I can go to get away from her.

I don’t know if I could survive on my own if she kicks me out.

Post before this: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/tuQlkX3mMA

So here is a short update.

From my last post my Ex and I will take a DNA test for her son that is supposed to be mine, according to her. However she went no contact for 4 years before suddenly returning to me and saying I am her son's father. The test results will be received in May 6-10.

So here is the part that would make me an asshole I think. My parents fell in love with her son and I think he loves them as well. My ex on the otherhand keeps on trying to initiate a conversation with me when her son is near us. I try to ignore some topics like 'we should get back together' and the likes of that. Now her son started calling me dad. And everyone think I should get back with her. Since she apologized for saying that I cheated on her with her best friend.

My parents said it's my choice but getting back together with her is what they want. My friends said she might be really regretful. And my brother said to me and I quote 'bahala ka diyan, Tanga ka na dati pa' : 'it is your choice, you are an idiot ever since you met her'. I think he still does not like her. But he likes her son.

So WIBTA if I chose not to get back together with my ex?

So she doesn’t want to get back together yet expects me to take care of her. She works and everything , but I’m not taking care of her or irresponsible financial decisions

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1chzlaw

A quick update,

I realized from the comments I was sort of an AH because I did not apologize for what I did and instead doubled down on my actions, whereas my wife did apologize for her actions a couple of years ago. So I had another heart to heart discussion with my wife last night where I completely apologized for my actions and for kicking her out of the hospital. My wife then asked me if I would do the same thing again if this happened next time, because she felt really hurt when I did that. And I told her no, I definitely wouldn’t do that again, but that I would also want my sister with me because I feel safer and more comfortable with her, and I just trust her more. I told her that hopefully with couples therapy I can get to that same level of safeness with her.

I (F29) knew from a young age I don't ever want to have or raise children. I met my husband in college and he was decidedly childfree too. We got married a couple of years back.

My husband's younger sister (F24) has three kids (M5, M & F 2) with different dead beat guys. Two months ago she left all of them at our house, said she was going on a errand and never came back. Just left. We filed a report and everything. Last we heard she was safe but did not want to come back.

My husband's mom is a minimum wage worker barely scrapping by. She used to be a single mom and do not want to raise these kids.

I don't want to raise them either. Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for them. But raising kids is a huge responsibility I don't want to take up. In the 2 months they were here, our expense has increased, we had to buy them clothes and stuff, and they are sleeping in our living room on air mattresses (we only have one bedroom). I had to work from home and look after them cause my husband could not get wfh and daycare for 3 is expensive. It has been really rough to say the least.

CPS did get involved and asked us whether we want to keep the kids or not. I do not. I thought my husband would be on the same page but he wants to keep the kids. CPS has asked us to decide quickly and make necessary changes (get a bigger home for one).

My husband and I have gone back and forth on this. I cannot live the next 16 years like this. Raising kids is hard. And expensive. But he wants to be there for his family. Which I get.

So yesterday I told him I want a divorce. Quickly, before he made any commitments and dragged me into it with him.

He called me a AH for divorcing over kids. For abandoning him when he needed me.

I told him he knew my boundaries well in advance and this was a commitment (children) that he is unilaterally deciding on.

AITAH?