r/AITAH • u/Build_LLC • 15d ago
AITAH for telling my family no one is going to beat the shit out of my kid?
My son is 13 and we just moved back to my hometown after I haven’t lived here for 27 years. He’s been struggling a little more at school this year and we have been concerned about the bad influence from some of his classmates.
My sister has two special needs kids and it was a very dramatic impact on our entire family when her first son was born with CP. She has become an advocate and the rest of the family can feel her anguish.
My son got in trouble at school. The teacher claimed he was picking on a special needs kid. I accidentally sent a message to him and my mom about the incident, I mistakenly meant to include his mom, my spouse, but basically ousted him to my family when I accidentally sent it to my mom instead.
So this upset my mom and family and we were there for dinner. My mom pulled my son aside and whispered in his ear “if you ever pick on a special needs kid again, I’m going to beat the shit out of you”.
This upset my son and when his mom found out she was pissed. She reached out to my mom to discuss it. My mom avoided the conversation for a few weeks until too much time had gone on to address it.
Today I was talking to my sister and she mentioned a small conflict she had with our mom. I brought up the situation with my son only to say how my mom avoided the conflict. My sister doubled down and said “sorry; I’d beat the shit out of him too!”
My reply- “nobody will be laying a hand on my fucking kid!” As much as I tried to de-escalate the situation and explained no parent or grandkid should ever speak to a kid like that, she kept deflecting and said my spouse is not a good parent, my son should be on medication and has ADHD (he’s been tested and doesn’t), I eventually said I’m sorry she was upset but the fact remains no one will be touching my kid and I hope she feels the same way about hers.
I quickly got off the phone but am still steaming at the audacity and double standard about this. I can’t believe I’m the AH here but I know somehow an irrelevant comment during this spat will be their focus and how I’m wrong.
I’m open minded and would also love some feedback, maybe I’m too close to the situation to have an unbiased view of it.
EDIT: after a few comments I wanted to add. We did take this situation very seriously. He lost all of his privileges and we scolded him, especially because he should be more sympathetic since this is something we are familiar with in our family.
EDIT 2: I’ve been trying to reply to everyone else’s comments and it’s starting to get repetitive. You will get a lot more details and insight about him and this if you read my comments too.
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u/Competitive_Noise541 7d ago
NTA I'm sorry but it's super gross what your sister and mother said to and about your son. I don't know if they would go threw with it but I still would not trust them around your kid after that.
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u/Own_Yogurtcloset7608 9d ago
NTA.
Firstly, for two ADULTS, let alone two close family members who supposedly love your child, to threaten to a minor with such extreme violence is disgusting and hypocritical, and I actually think it raises questions surrounding whether they should be left unsupervised with children. I get that the idea of a child (or anyone) being bullied is deeply upsetting, particularly if you start imagining that happening to someone you love (guessing that is what is happening here), and I suppose it is natural to have an initial urge to hurt or intimidate the perpetrator. However, there is a difference between having that natural urge and articulating or acting upon it.
Your son is obviously in the wrong for bullying (if that is definitely the case) but they really need to be made to realise that there are much more responsible (and effective) ways of dealing with this kind of behaviour in a CHILD. E.g. Expressing anger and disappointment is fine, and he definitely needs to be taught empathy and to realise the amount of damage that bullying can cause, particularly considering that people might have unseen conditions that make them more vulnerable. Also, if he was picking on the kid BECAUSE of said special needs*, it would have been really important to get to the bottom of why he thinks this act of disability hate is acceptable (it is actually criminalised in the UK), and to work on demonstrating how these attitudes are wrong/harmful.
You had every right to respond to their threats in the way you did. Maybe they did this in the heat of the moment, but if this continues/they double-down on their threats, I strongly suggest that you take this to your sister’s school to let them know what she said for safeguarding purposes – no-one wants a teacher who resorts to these kinds of threats/actions to manage child behaviour/resolve conflict. Sorry for the rant!
*Speaking as someone who grew up with special needs, unless they were picking on or taking advantage of the kid because of their difference, or picking on them in a way that caused particular pain/distress/harm as a result of that condition/disability, the special needs aspect is irrelevant. Bullying is bullying, and your son needs to be made to understand how disgusting and harmful that kind of behaviour is regardless. Also your sister’s hypocrisy in threatening to beat up a child that she thinks has ADHD isn’t lost on me.
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u/Emperor_Atlas 13d ago
ESH - obviously that's not the correct way to handle situations.
But if I saw your kid, or any kid, picking on special needs, I'd beat the shit out of them. Food for thought.
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u/Fearless_Mind_1066 14d ago
You did the right thing, your son will learn, he is a kid. This stuff happens more than most people admit in schools and such, lota of kids just hide stuff well.
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u/DaddyNeedsJuice 14d ago
You're defending an asshole bullying a special needs kid. I'd beat the fuck out of him too. YTA
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u/Draconic_Legend 14d ago edited 14d ago
NTA, but, is there a reason why he was picking on special needs kids? Or was that just an accusation?
Talk to him instead of just punishing him for doing it (or being accused of it at least). Kids aren't really the brightest bulbs in the shed... They can get jealous of others, both for being normal and for getting special attention from others, it goes both ways, and really, either party could start problems due to their feelings, and not knowing how to properly handle them.
I remember when I was in school, there was a teacher that had adopted a special needs kid and took care of her personally, along with other special needs students. I had ADHD, but, not bad enough to require her classes. Still, we were on friendly terms, and, for some reason, seeing that greatly upset her daughter. That kid would lie constantly trying to get me in trouble, she would tell her mom I attacked her, she would tell people I was bullying her (having a reputation for getting into fights didn't help me, lol) and it was constant for like a year. I never acted out on it, but, I remember growing to really hate that kid, a lot of people hated her actually... I don't think I was the only person she went after, but... all that aside, OP, talk to your son. See what the problem is instead of just punishing him and leaving it at that. Listen to him to, like, actually listen.
Kids do tend to lie sometimes, kids tend to act out and do stupid stuff, but... listen to him. Believe him the first time. Instill in him that he can trust you, that he can go somewhere and talk to you when he's troubled or needs advice, or even just to vent when things are becoming too much. He needs that, and, if he trusts you, he's more likely to talk about what's going on at school, honestly talk to you I mean, not just "my day went well" and nothing else. Give him the freedom to open up to you. Giving him the space and trust to be open with you does not mean that you're failing as a parent, you are still trying to give him direction in life, but, you can't direct a ship through rocky shores blindfolded. It's going to get damaged, it's going to break apart, you can't just punish your son and not try to understand why he's acting a certain way.
It'll be a slow process... but, try tonopen up to him, and let him open up to you at his own pace. You can give life lessons and direction without having to be the overly harsh or critical parent that your kid can never approach or be open with. Trust him a bit, talk to him. Heart to heart, actually, truly listen to him, and give him some real advice if you feel he needs it in the moment, but don't just let it sit. His actions are only his own, but, so is any other child's, and you must remember that. If he feels he needs to defend himself, it's because someone or something else is causing him to feel that way, if he's using negativity or pain to hurt someone else that he deems is an easier target to get at? You need to guide his thinking process into something healthier. His actions are his own, but, so are yours. So is every other kids, and parents, every teacher, their actions are all their own, and actions have consequences. Good or bad, every action has a consequence, big or small, good or bad. That is why children need a safe space to be open, so they can learn in a healthy manner how to decide on what to do, so they can learn about the consequences of their actions before they even commit to doing them.
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u/DivineTarot 14d ago
NTA
Honestly, at the point where someone threatens your children you should be threatening back. Not only will nobody beat your child, but should they think to test this line in the sand neither age nor gender will cause you to hesitate to clock someone's weave.
Yes, your child needs correction, but threatening to beat a thirteen year old just because of conflicts he's involved in that don't involve you is a bad look for your mother and sister.
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u/LionBig1760 14d ago
Your son is a bully and when he got caught, you attempted to blame other kids having a bad influence on him.
You're enabling a bully, and your son no doubt understands that you're defending him and protecting him from the consequences of being a bully.
Don't be shocked when you have to spend the next 5 years of your life protecting him from other threats parents make because your child is a danger to special needs students. Of you were half as concerned that your child is a bully as you were about making excuses for him, he probably wouldn't be a bully in the first place.
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u/thenord321 14d ago
Yta for minimizing your kid bullying a special needs kid, even now in your post.
N t a for telling your family not to beat your kid. But beware, because other kids at his school may well beat him up if they find out too. You think your kid has it tough at school now, imagine if he gets a reputation in your small town as the person who picks on special needs kids... do better as a parent.
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u/gaurddog 14d ago
Adults shouldn't bully kids.
Kids shouldn't bully kids with special needs.
You should be more worried about your son's behavior than everyone else though, because you're his parent.
If I was the special needs kid's parent? I'd be looking to beat the shit out of you and your kid.
NAH.
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u/Ilovelamp_2236 14d ago
Your mother has ruined her relationship with her grandkid with that comment, I would never forget it or want to be near them again if I was your 13 year old.
NTA, what your kid did was wrong, and it's OK they were angry with him, considering the family circumstances but it is not ok to tell him they would beat the shit out of him they are lucky your comment back wasso tame
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u/Super_Hyena_4278 14d ago
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u/Live_Software4940 14d ago
First off, I just wanna say, threatening violence towards a child is an asshole move. NTA. But OP, I want to make sure that you know, you are not a bad parent. It sounds like you are doing the best you can, and I hope it all works out
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u/forgottenOma 14d ago
NtA
I find it heartbreaking that Gramma threatened her grandchild. Aunt as well--but Gramma?
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u/Agreeable_Rabbit3144 15d ago
OP punished his child.
But the mother and sister have no right to threaten violence to the poor kid.
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u/crypticXmystic 15d ago edited 15d ago
NTA. The moment anyone directly says they will kick my kid's ass they are inviting me to kick their ass. If my sister told me that she too would kick his ass my immediate response would be that if she ever laid a hand on him she would be lucky to wake up again. If you want to keep the cooler head and not go their route I would remind them that threats if violence against your child will not be tolerated and if they ever say such things again you will be making a report to the police in case they decide to follow through with their violent threats. As for me though ... Yea they would have been informed that their actions would have immediate and dire consequences.
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u/Boofakblankets 15d ago
NTA anyone my family would be cut off if they even thought they could parent my child let alone say something do horrific. My children would never see my mother again if she did that. If anyone has a problem they take it up with me.
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15d ago
Yeah they'd been picking themselves up for speaking to my child that way it's my job to punish my child without violence.
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u/lydenluff 15d ago
I read your post and I get this mental image of my wife’s cousin and her daughter. She didn’t believe in corporal punishment and thought it was abuse and blasted my wife and I for spanking our kids and said it would turn them violent whenever she would come visit. Well, at some point her daughter was getting in trouble at school and had been kicked out of a couple of the private schools she was sent to so her and her mom came to stay with us for about a week, because having to go to public school was distressful. My wife happened to be pregnant at the time and the little girl got into trouble with my wife over whatever it was and when my wife got onto her she swung on my wife and hit her in the belly (she was 8 or 9 at the time) so no real damage done, but her mom of course freaked out and was ready to leave but I told her NO deal with this here and now, my oldest daughter freaked out because nobody hits mom. I told her that if she didn’t have it in her to spank her I’d do it for her, well she said exactly the same thing to me as you did to your mom. That was about 10 years ago and her daughter ended up having to be homeschooled because she kept getting expelled for…. you guessed it! She kept having violent outbursts and no schools would take her. I saw her recently at a funeral and that poor kid is a total wreck, all those years of shitty parenting really did a number on her and her mom is just as much of a wreck because she knows that her daughter will not have much of a quality life because nobody can tolerate her. She still has her head buried in the sand about it though, and the violent outbursts were stopped by a very generous chola when she gave her attitude.
I don’t know if you’re the AH or not TBH, I think you’ve got it wrong though when it comes to getting fussy about your mom threatening to beat your kid for something he should probably be beat for.
They say it takes a village for a reason, sometimes parents are just too overprotective and they ruin their kids. Just look around at the way most kids are these days and it’s largely because most parents are like you. What you did was demonstrate to your kid that they don’t need to worry about facing serious repercussions for their actions and you’ll go to bat for them against anyone including your own mother if they’re not allowed to get away with it.
Its not something you should enjoy as a parent and I certainly don’t advocate for spanking for every little thing but when it’s time, it’s the only thing an undeveloped mind can really understand. I absolutely hated it when I had to do it, but guess what my kids learned how to behave and yeayoubetcha if they acted up and my mom was around and they needed a swat I wasn’t flying the helicopter in to rescue them, I was going to spank them for showing their grandmother enough disrespect to get spanked. You missed an opportunity to help your kid.
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u/britj21 11d ago
Lmao. Yes, hit a child for being violent. What a great way to show them not to use violence! I’d NC you too.
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u/lydenluff 11d ago
Well,actually it is. How can you look around at an entire generation of kids behaving the way they do, knowing 80% of them weren’t spanked and not question wether or not the post modern method is really the best way to make kids ready to live in society?
Defend your position, I included an example from my own personal experience that’s accurate and true, can you please show me some examples of people who were not spanked and aren’t all screwed up?
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u/britj21 10d ago
You know who the most physically disciplined generation is? The Boomers. Guess who are also the WORST behaved adults? 🤔🤔 I could list forever the amount of unscrewed up adults. I can also link you a million studies that show that spanking your children leads to an insanely higher chance of them growing up to be more likely to assault their spouse, children, or be physically aggressive in general.
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u/Own_Breakfast_570 15d ago
NTA and if definitely throw hands if someone said some shit like to my kid , I don't care if it's my own family, touch my kid I put you six feet under.
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15d ago
DO NOT take the schools word for what happened. They will side with the SN kid over yours. Are you 100% sure your kid was in the wrong in the fight at school?
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u/Old-Illustrator-5675 15d ago
My parents used to beat the shit out of me. They thought it was a great way to stop bad behavior. I got really good at hiding it, then I started bullying kids because I had low self esteem and was bullied at home. Obviously you aren't doing those things and this is probably due to the recent move and your son just trying to have friends. I applaud your ability to not abuse a child, especially when so many people seem to think that's acceptable.
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u/shammy_dammy 15d ago
Sounds like they should not be in contact with your son. Fixes both side's problems.
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u/Alarmed_Lynx_7148 15d ago
Fuck your kid. I would have told him the same exact thing to scare the little shit
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u/livelife3574 15d ago
So you’re a bully?
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u/Alarmed_Lynx_7148 15d ago
For putting a kid in check? Don’t be a chump
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u/livelife3574 15d ago
Bullies learn from people like you.
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u/Alarmed_Lynx_7148 15d ago
So I guess OPs a bully, seeing as what his son did. Shows how much your statement makes no sense
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u/Borninafire 15d ago
NTA
If my family threatened my son, I'd gnaw their arms off without even giving them a warning.
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u/tytyoreo 15d ago
NTA I wouldnt let my kids be around them ..... and make sure they dont have access to his school or anything he has going on.... You punish your kids take things away not spank.... And to talk about your spouse is also a low blow... your mom and sister are AH and if someone said they would spank her kids your sister know she would flip out
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u/gonzotek77 15d ago
NTA for protecting your son,but your family should go low contact with you and your child,a bully I a dangerous person to have around disabled kids
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u/Wandering_aimlessly9 15d ago
I would sit down with your family and ask two important questions: 1. Who thinks they have a right to threaten violence against my child? Please raise your hand. (Take note) 2. Who thinks they have a right to actually enact said violence against my child? Please raise your hand.
Now…those of you who raised your hands (mom, sis even if you didn’t you’ve both threatened violence against my child so this involves you)…we are now no contact. If you can’t threaten violence against another adult or actually hit said adult without there being consequences then you can’t do it to my child. So, with that said…I’m out. (Then block each one on every platform possible) For those who didn’t raise a hand or threaten violence remind them that having access to your child is a privilege and that if they want continued access they will never threaten violence or enact it.
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u/2015juniper 15d ago
13 is a hard time for young adults. That is about the time their brains start processing like adult brains but it is all new. Their bodies have hormones kicking in and this is hard too. Changing schools is difficult at that age. My suggestion is keep him busy. Go golfing with him. It’s a lifelong activity you can do together for the rest of your lives.
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u/Curraghboy1 NSFW 🔞 15d ago
Nta, I will discipline my child. Anyone else interfering in any way will find out quite quickly the consequences of that action.
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u/Ouchyhurthurt 15d ago
Bully a kid for being a bully… ya that is horrible. Children will bully because they are kids and have an excuse that they are still learning. Adults don’t.
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u/Miserable-Ad-1581 15d ago edited 15d ago
my child could be the devil incarnate and i would still lose my mind if someone else threatened to beat the shit out of my kid.
the only time i'd ever be like. oh no.... anways,,,... is if my child was acting like some piece of shit kdrama lev level bullying another kid and that kids mom had to tell my kid what the business is. not that my kid would ever get to that point, i'm just saying, in theory. would i LET them beat my kid? no. Would i also totally understand threatening violence against a child who is being unrelentingly violent to your own? yes. Do i think its okay? no, but like thats probably not the biggest problem in this situation here.
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u/Emotional_Cod_7036 15d ago
He just moved and he’s 13- he’s probably struggling a lot right now with life but also making friends. So maybe the friends he’s made put him in an awkward position and he did something he normally wouldn’t do. I can tell you right now if my mother/mil/sister/sil said that to my child it would be a problem- please talk to your son and let him know what his grandma said is not okay and she has no right to put her hands on him and you’ve told her that.
What he did was wrong (I’m sure he knows that) and tell him actions have consequences- he’s lucky the parents or siblings of the kid didn’t do anything or say anything to him- in todays world there are far more consequences than 20 years ago- colleges can not accept him, doxxed, attacked so many things can happen because of the decisions he chooses to make. Our kids have to be so careful now.
You’re NTA btw.
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u/Evening-Ad-2820 15d ago
ESH. You, for not taking his bullying of a special needs student seriously. You glossed over that part entirely. They were wrong to threaten a teenage child. But ANYONE that is bullying special needs kids has some serious problems that you as a parent are absolutely failing to address. Keep your son away from the people who threatened him, and get therapy, and FFS stop making excuses for him. You're part of creating this whole problem.
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u/NiceRat123 15d ago
ESH
Honestly your son wants to fit in so he's not the new kid so he's picking on someone else. Either he knows it's wrong or doesn't care because he's not getting bullied
I understand your sister and mom's position about beating up your kid because she has two special needs at home. As much as YOU want to protect your son from THEM, they probably feel they need to mama bear to protect her kids from your son
You're an asshole because you minimize like it's the other kids fault and possibly not even a big deal because the teacher "claimed" it and even justify it a bit "because they do it to each other"
I don't care you parenting style but you're surely going to know if it's working if it happens again or keeps happening.
He's got 5 years before it's out of your hands and he's being treated like an adult
So maybe he needs to learn to not be a people pleaser and not to pick on other children to "fit in"
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u/cashlezz 15d ago
All of the adults and the son suck here. That's all. Instead of modeling good behaviour for the son, they instead bullied him. Instead of using compassion to teach him, they used intimidation and fear.
This isn't gonna make him feel more empathetic towards other neurodivergent kids. It's just gonna make him resent them even more.
The sister and grandma were the worst of it. They should have used this as a teaching moment for the son, not as an opportunity for intimidation and drama.
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u/FirmSimple9083 15d ago
My comment would be simple. NTA
"Whatever happens to my kid, happens to the person that does it."
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u/xmasasn 15d ago
Parent of a special needs child here. People are fiercely protective of these very vulnerable children and young adults. They are fragile and need protection for things and situations they often don't understand. Anyone who can bully these children is a monster. Get your kid right, or someone will, and they might not care if they need to go through you to do it. I would, and I know IATAH. I can handle that.
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u/YomiKuzuki 15d ago
Your son shouldn't be picking on others, but we all know that. We all agree with that.
But your mother telling your son that she'll beat the shit out of him for it? Your sister saying the same? Fuck em.
Should've firmly reminded them that grown ass adults threatening to beat the shit out of a child isn't a good look, and you'd call the cops on their asses the second they touch your kid. After you're done defending your kid from those trying to harm him, of course.
NTA.
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u/formlessfighter 15d ago
uhh YTA... "it takes a village to raise a child". your kid was beating up on a special needs kid. let me say that again. your kid was beating up on a special needs kid. something needs to happen to change this.
if you are going to stop your family members from disciplining your son, then you better do it yourself, because if you dont and you let this slide your son is going to get into massive amounts of trouble sooner or later
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u/livelife3574 15d ago
Umm, you are advocating hitting a child? 🙄
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u/formlessfighter 14d ago
if you actually read my comment, you would see that the word i used was "discipline"
i love how people on reddit intentionally put words in your mouth even though what i said is right there for everyone to see
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u/traumatized-gay 15d ago
Found the one who thinks beating the shit out of a child is the only way to punish them. Stfu abuser.
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u/formlessfighter 14d ago
if you have bothered to read my comment, you would see that the word i used was "discipline"
i love how people on reddit intentionally put words in your mouth even though my comment is right there for everyone to see
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u/Fuelfemme 15d ago
Discipline and beating the shit out of someone are completely different
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u/formlessfighter 14d ago
notice i said the word "discipline"... i love how people intentionally put different words in your mouth even though what i said is right there for everyone to see
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u/Fuelfemme 14d ago
I didn’t put words in your mouth. It’s the fact that his families idea of “discipline “ is beating the crap out of a kid. A kid who’s still learning how to be an adult and a good human. Yeah, he fucked up. And, as his father said, was disciplined, his way. Without violence
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u/kaptin_hippy 15d ago
Taking away the ass-whoopin is the reason the world is full of spoiled, self-important, entitled assholes.
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u/livelife3574 15d ago
You advocate for hitting kids.
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u/kaptin_hippy 15d ago
Not for every infraction, but I do believe there are those times when a spanking is needed. And not just kids, I think corporal punishment should exist in the justice system. I think adults need ass-whoopins more than kids do.
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u/livelife3574 15d ago
Nah, that’s abusive and unnecessary. Lazy parents and psychopaths think hitting is the way to solve problems.
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u/Solid_Bed_752 15d ago
NTA for telling other people they can’t touch your kid.
Also, there’s no actual test for ADHD (just guidelines) and what I looks like can shift dramatically around your sons age. There are tons of online assessments that you as a parent can quickly do (basically just a checklist). It’s not a negative but not dealing with it can be.
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u/OkAdministration7456 15d ago
Tell them that child abuse is illegal so you will be happy to beat the shit out of them.
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u/OkAdministration7456 15d ago
Tell them that child abuse is illegal so you will be happy to beat the shit out of them.
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u/Alarming_Oil_6226 15d ago
Nta. Obviously what your son did was wrong and obviously you disciplined him accordingly. But to have an adult (especially a trusted adult!) threaten physical harm is waaay out of line. Imagine saying, “Mom, you’re bullying my kid. Do it again and I will beat the shit out of you!” I’m sure that wouldn’t be well received. Your job is to discipline and protect your child. And I’m sure your son has a new view of his grandmother that he won’t soon forget or forgive. She may very well have ruined that relationship. Have you discussed the matter with your son?
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15d ago
NTA this is probably the worst place to ask for advice on this.
Your mom and sister were way out of line. How can they expect your son think to violence is wrong when his family first reaction to something is violence?
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u/darthmushu 15d ago
ESH. Should they have phrased that way to him, no. You don't sound like you're taking it seriously. If my kid did something like that they would be in a world of trouble. No, I am not going to beat the shit out of them. But consequences would be severe. Eventually your kid will bully the wrong person and someone will beat the shit out of him so you might want to handle it sooner than later. Mom and sis are talking shit, a stranger will actually do it.
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u/ItReallyIsntThoughYo 15d ago
It's almost like you moved away 27 years ago for a reason, and now you've seen what it was. NTA.
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u/tuna_tofu 15d ago
Yeah a kid in my son's class back in the 3rd grade was allegedly "special needs" because he had asthma. That didnt give him free reign to bully other kids. Can we not agree that some kids are just aholes that nobody likes regardless of whatever other issues they have?
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u/ERVetSurgeon 15d ago
YTA. Sometimes you need to get punished more than just a "talking to" or grounded. Big whoop-te-do. He obviously has not been raised properly and does not respect his own family members if he is willing to bully a disabled kid at school while having disabled family members. I doubt that grounding for a week or loss of electronics will make a difference to him in the long run.
I grew up with the fear of the Wrath of Dad. Police scared me less than my father. I love and miss him dearly since he passed and I would not be successful now if it were not for my father. He was strict and disciplined. Told me he was here to be my parent not my friend. You need to be the same.
If I were your mom or sister, I would shun him for a long while until he apologized and changed his behavior. Would you prefer that? I also would not trust him around my disabled kids if I were your sister.
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u/livelife3574 15d ago
So you think kids should be abused.
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u/darstven 15d ago
I had to have this discussion with a couple of family members years ago. I am not totally against spanking in certain situations but "beating the shit out of a child" is entirely different. Ain't happening.
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u/Bravedoll3 15d ago edited 15d ago
If you had done a better job parenting your kid he wouldn’t be victimizing special-needs children and your family wouldn’t want to beat him. Maybe he needs a good ass beating.
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u/Total_Shine_4619 15d ago
You are disciplining your son for his bad behaviour and doing so through non violent means.
Threatening violence against a child is not the way. Kids do dumb stuff when they are young and its better to teach them that it is wrong and put them onto the correct path than to use violence and condition them that violence is how to solve problems.
Beyond that you are protecting your child. I'm not a parent but I spent years raising my niece and nephew while my sister and her baby daddy were going through rough times. I'd go to jail to protect those kids.
You aren't the AH. Your mom and sister are an AH for threatening violence as their reaction.
Had their reaction been to talk to you and ask you about discipline and see that you are disciplining your kid then I'd have no issues but they didn't. So, NTA OP
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u/az-anime-fan 15d ago
YTA - you have an out of control child who beat up a special needs kid in school and instead of disciplining the monster you're creating you're picking fights with your family.
I'll be frank, if a teenaged boy can't handle grandma kicking his ass then he has become an utter waste of a human being, and you royally screwed him up as a child. stop protecting him, he's old enough to be tried for murder as an adult. he's only a few years from driving, i know you think he's a kid but he's a teenager. you cannot let him become a bully.
your problem is your kid not your mother or your sister. grow a pair of balls and straighten the kid out now.
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u/Slow-Grass3218 15d ago
ESH - I wouldn’t bring your son around your mother or your sister anymore. No one has a right to lay their hands on your child, and they seem too emotional to clearly understand that based on their own experiences. Onto you- so YOUR mother threatened your child, but I’m reading that your SPOUSE is the one chasing her around to hold her accountable? I understand that your mom abused you (i am also a member of the club) but confronting your mom and setting her ass straight is YOUR responsibility. Especially since YOU are the one who leaked the information to your mom in the first place. Cmon man, be for real.
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u/QueenSalmonela 15d ago
Everything else being discussed is good, sounds like your trying to teach him well.
But NOBODY is going to "beat the shit" out of your son! They should not even say this to him, these are mothers talking? They should know better.
NTA
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u/Build_LLC 15d ago
Mothers and teachers. One retired, of course…
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u/unpopularcryptonite 14d ago
If they try to push further ask them if they would like to have charges pressed upon them for threatening a minor with violence. Limit contact with your family to they correct their ways. NTA.
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u/ProgressBackground95 15d ago
So after restrictions and scolding, he still will impress his so called friends? What's going to happen is he will do something to some kid whose parents will sue the hell out of you, and his past actions will be brought up, to prove you knew what he is capable of. I know because that's what I did when my siblings kid was being bullied.
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u/rugbysecondrow 15d ago
Most people are missing the point. The Dad knows this is an issue. He was trying to talk to his wife to address the issue. He is aware there is a problem and is working to parent the child...as he should. Folks need to dial back the heated rhetoric.
The question, was the Dad an AH for telling his mom and sister to back off...absolutely not. Period. They need to know their place, or we would have dramatically fewer interactions.
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u/Build_LLC 15d ago
Thank you so much! You healed my heart a little. This all hurts
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u/Salty_Interview_5311 15d ago
You handled things just fine. Your sister and mom need to back off not that you’ve made it clear that it’s handled.
I suspect they have seen their family with special needs get bullied repeatedly and are very angry about that. Maybe asking them about that and giving them time to vent for a while while showing you sympathize will help.
Then you can explain how you handled things with your kid again so they are reassured he’s doing better. If that’s not happening, I suggest you MRI l not bring your son around them for a few years at least.
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u/ScarieltheMudmaid 15d ago
it's a tough situation for sure, but you absolutely did the right thing. them becoming bullies will not teach your son anything.
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u/rugbysecondrow 15d ago
I am an active parent as well, 9, 14, 17 year olds. Shit happens. Kids are imperfect, parents are imperfect, and we all want to do our best. The goal isn't the best 13 year old, but what will make him a better adult. So long as you keep moving in that direction, you will be good.
Cheers
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u/Significant_Lemon683 15d ago
Sounds like we know what side of the family bullying comes from. The fact remains, your mother is an adult, so is your sister. Those words should never be directed at a child.
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u/FowlTemptress 15d ago
Your son acted like a total piece of crap and your mom spoke in the heat of the moment. I think you are being defensive because it's your kid. And if you had a special need kids who someone else bullied, I have a feeling you'd be threatening even worse than your mom.
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u/mangobunnybear 15d ago
Hopefully you are properly handling this because if you don't your son will get his ass handed to him how do I know this you may ask it's because when I was a kid my bro (special needs trisomy) was picked on I beat the kid. I'm not a violent person but I see red when people pick on the differently abled. Maybe make him volunteer for special needs children (with supervision) and explain to him fully that no one thinks it's cool to bully special needs kids.
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u/KelsarLabs 15d ago edited 15d ago
Moves are hard on kids and sometimes they do shitty things that reflect badly on them, it's called a life lesson. My go to for our boys was, "do not make me have to tell people you died or went to jail for being a dumbass".
Good luck.
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u/Ninsh1989 15d ago
In Uganda, threatening to beat up a child by a family member is very normal. Following up the threat is also very normal. In fact up until recently any adult in a community would beat up children for wrongdoing.
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u/nanny2359 15d ago
Great random fact.... Not the question. Are you saying it's right or wrong to beat a child
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u/Any_Addition7131 15d ago
No you are not a bad parent, physical punishment is not the way for 2 reasons 1,children who experience spankings and other kind of punishments do not feel safe in there own home,2when I hit as child sometimes I would think wow I can go back outside I hated being grounded. My son always knew that if he did something wrong he got punished, he just never knew what it was he just knew it was something he would like at all
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u/TwinZylander214 15d ago
NTA. Threatening violence on a child is never acceptable
I have seen your edit and some of your answers and you are taking the issue seriously. Being violent will not improve things, and I think it would make things worse.
I agree with other comments, and from experience, that at this age, friends influence is hell. I was lucky that my daughter was friends with “good kids” (serious in school, nice, generous, respectful) but I have seen some of her elementary schoolmates fall with the wrong crowd (drugs alcohol…).
Teaching him values such as respect -and respecting him while not accepting bad behavior- is the best thing you can do. Your family is completely out of line and you reacted perfectly.
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u/Number5MoMo 15d ago
Unfortunately… if your kid keeps acting like that, your family isn’t going to be who you have to worry about. You have people related to him saying that.. imagine the parent of a special needs kids your son is bullying, to impress others btw, that person may actually lay hands on your son. It will be traumatic for him. He shouldnt have to learn the hard way about how people will protect their innocent children.
All it takes is for your kid to mess with someone who has a big brother and now you’re in the hospital pressing charges. I understand all the excuses you gave as to why he’s acting this way. But you’re not really helping. He needs therapy and fast, to work through why he thinks hurting people, emotionally or physically, is okay as long as it impresses his “friends” also he needs to learn that those aren’t his friends. Pls don’t let him learn the hard way by having his A** whooped. YOU gotta step up and do more than take his electronics away.
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u/Build_LLC 15d ago
You need to read more all of that had been addressed
If you read all my comments you’ll get more of the full story.
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u/joshheverly1 15d ago
Your sister goes straight to putting your kid on drugs? Sounds like a bunch of psycos.
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u/RevengencerAlf 15d ago
NTA. You're handling it. Even if your werent, what they said was unaccaceptable. I'd never have to worry about it because my parents aren't psychos but if one of them ever did threaten to hit a child of mine id tell them their going to wind up in the hospital if they do. And then they'd be cut out of the kid's life basically forever.
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u/winterworld561 15d ago
Threatening a kid with physical violence is NEVER ok, regardless of what they've done.
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u/jueidu 15d ago
ESH or NAH, depending on whether this is a first-time bullying offense by your kid or not, and whether he’s been/is being properly disciplined for this or any past bullying he’s committed.
1) your kid needs some SERIOUS correction. NOT physical abuse, to be clear. Please be sure you are parenting. You didn’t include how you handled your kid’s discipline so we’re all wondering…
2) Your family should NEVER be issuing threats like that to him, especially when the victim is not also family. That’s way over the line. Your family should be all over his ass with guilt trips correction and honest feelings - not violence. It’s important that a bully’s family be a strong united front of discipline and love to help steer them away from bullying.
3) The two above items are based on this being a FIRST offense. If a first-time bully becomes a second-time bully, after they already were disciplined and warned? Then I’m sorry, but if the victim or their advocates choose violence, that’s understandable. Bullies who won’t listen the first time, won’t listen to anything BUT violence. Violence absolutely is the answer sometimes. So, I hope you are making sure your kid understands that. Now, that violence should not be coming from your family unless the victim is family. If the victim is someone at school, it’s not appropriate for your family to be stepping in in that way. But if the victim at school has a best friend or guardian who chooses to kick your kid’s ass the next time it happens? That’s defense and justice.
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u/Build_LLC 15d ago
We’ve never seen or heard of him bully anyone, ever. Except I did see slap boxing videos on his phone before. He was punished the first time and it was clear that is not acceptable behavior, what it could lead to, but doing it in school is just downright dumb.
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u/No_Bathroom_3291 15d ago
I do think it is odd that your mother and sister think your son was wrong to bully a special needs child (on which point, they are correct), but turn around and feel it is okay for themselves to bully your son with violence (which is not okay). I think you handled your son in the right way.
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u/unicorndreamer23 14d ago
like two grown adults threatening a teen? it’s literally the same as the son bullying the special needs kids imo
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u/Lotex_Style 15d ago
Maybe they've taken the whole advocate thing too far and now feel personally attacked and have to defend their cause and their life with whatever means necessary.
I've seen this before with other kinds of advocates/activists before.And while I endorse neither I'd say threatening a child with bodily harm is also a step further than bullying
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u/MrRogersAE 15d ago
Obviously the only answer here is for OP (Dad) to bully them. Maybe if someone much larger and stronger than them beats the shit outta them they will see the error in their ways
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u/CJaneNorman 15d ago
Two adults threatening a child over things kids do and can be taught not to do. That’s disgusting behavior
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u/Constant-External-85 15d ago edited 15d ago
Especially when they think the kid has ADHD, which is can be a disability in itself
Not saying OP's kid has it; just the gall on the double standard that they think it's okay to hit a kid with a learning disability when that's what started this
They're just angry at him and want an excuse to take it out on him
For OP I do recommend taking their kid to a therapist that specializes in CBT and DBT (Cognitive and Dialectical behavioral therapy); it's basic therapy that teaches emotional regulation and awareness. I have autism and ADHD; this has helped me tremendously
Tbh I think almost everyone should have it nowadays
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u/CJaneNorman 15d ago
Right? And it’s also funny cause it seems like they’re trying to shame his kid by implying the ADHD which also goes against what they pretend to believe in. Rules for thee, not for me. If anyone threatened to beat the shit out of my child I’d cut them out of my life
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u/roseydaisydandy 15d ago
My mom avoided the conversation for a few weeks until too much time had gone on to address it.
No such thing as too much time has gone by when someone threatens your child. Buck up.
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u/MamaPagan 15d ago
NTA He's your kid, not theirs. Just because they support abuse and assault doesn't mean you do (and I'd use these words to them). If they threaten him again, tell them you're happy to do it to them in kind. (I.e. if they throw a punch, you'll throw a punch at them.)
I'd respond the same way (and have) when my child is threatened. If your child is not an active danger to someone, there's zero reason to harm them.
I'd also suggest cutting them off until they're willing to apologize for threatening a child and willing to talk about what pieces of shit they are.
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u/MamaPagan 15d ago
NTA You deal with your kid, teach him to be better and how awful those kids are.
However, I'd destroy someone and cut all contact if someone threatened to harm my kid. I don't care how old they are, unless they are threatening physical violence on said family member or someone else, no one will touch my damn kid.
I'd tell anyone in the family that threatens him again that they're welcome to try, and you'll be happy to do to them in kind.
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u/AbbeyCats 15d ago
What did your son say about why he was bullying this kid?
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u/Build_LLC 15d ago
He said “they were just slap boxing” and “who has special needs?” He’s not a good lier but I don’t trust all his words either. He was punished for slap boxing in class. We talked pretty deeply about the bullying aspect and we’ve been concerned about the way they all talk to each other over text.
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u/AbbeyCats 15d ago
It can be tenuous, especially since he’s new and trying to make friends. These may not be those friends.
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u/violet715 15d ago
I’m trying to have sympathy for you here, but I’m just not.
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u/Build_LLC 15d ago
I’m not looking for sympathy. I wanted to hear the general consensus on what the community thought about a grandparent and aunt telling me they would beat the shit out of my kid.
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u/violet715 15d ago
I don’t really see much wrong with bullying a bully, especially one who picks on special needs kids. Sorry not sorry.
I’d be way less concerned about this incident than about how your kid is actually out there ruining lives and creating trauma for other kids.
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u/Environmental-Run528 14d ago
I think you need to work on your own trauma. Imagine thinking adult threatening to beat up a child is appropriate.
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u/dustandchaos 15d ago
What the hell do you think causes a child to bully? Hurt people hurt people. Maybe think things through and google the rate of trauma at home in kids who bully others.
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u/violet715 14d ago
I think the phrase you’re looking for is “talk sh*t get hit.”
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u/dustandchaos 14d ago
It’s fucked up that you think that applies to children. It’s a shame you condone child abuse.
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u/Zozozozosososo 15d ago
You are unhinged. Are you OP’s sister? Cos you sure do seem bent out of shape/ borderline violent.
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u/violet715 15d ago
Nope. Just have zero sympathy for bullies. Honestly some people deserve a good ol’ punch in the face.
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u/Aidyn_the_Grey 15d ago
NTA.
I get that its a very touchy subject for your family. That said, it's NEVER EVER OKAY TO THREATEN TO BEAT A MINOR. Anyone in here that is saying otherwise? Well, I hope they don't have kids and never do.
You're disciplining your son. Your family needs not to get involved. Your family definitely doesn't need to threaten violence. I'm not a parent, but if someone threatened someone I love dearly with a assault, I'd have to bite my tongue, else I'd threaten to dish out the very same to the next person to suggest it.
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15d ago
Is your sister a doctor? That’s my only question. Since she wants to diagnose your son with some disabilities of his own. To talk down about your wife over the whole ordeal is also not okay. Bullying isn’t okay but it sounds like your sister is kind of one herself.
It doesn’t matter how other people would parent your child. Thanks for the unsolicited opinions though, right? He is your child and no one should be laying a hand on him. (Why are so many adults in therapy, oh because our parents beat the shit out of us instead of trying to actually PARENT)
BIG OL NTA
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u/Build_LLC 15d ago
She is not a doctor and also diagnosed my 5 year old as autistic because he is obsessed with tornadoes and knows more about them than most adults. “I’ve known since we was born that he was autistic, and I think it’s beautiful” That one stung a bit too. So disconnected with reality.
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u/DrPablisimo 15d ago edited 15d ago
My concern here is their not getting his side of the story. There are lot of things they call 'picking on' at school, and a wide variety of issues that fall into 'special needs'. I've heard of them putting the violent rambunctious kids in the special needs category, when violence and rambunctiousness are their issue. Also, someone could lie about him. I know that's happened, where a teacher unjustly picks a side in a conflict based on the word of little children, without asking probing questions.
I also don't think grandparents should cuss at their grandkids or threaten them in that manner. I'm not against spanking a kid if warranted, and in some situations (no parent), etc. a grandparent might do that.
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u/Thick_You2502 15d ago
NTA. You've made a mistake, but your family shouldn't take any action. Your kid's education is your and his mum responsability.
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u/Individual_Walrus149 15d ago
No child should have hands laid on them for any reason at any time. I say this as the mother of a special needs child.
What your son did was fucked up. But he’s 13. Kids do stupid things. I would be mortified if my whole family knew the things I said and did at that age. Like we made jokes about dead babies at my school, wtf was that? Your kid isn’t a bad kid. He did a bad thing, but he is not his actions. He should face consequences. Those consequences should not be abuse.
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u/Super-Staff3820 15d ago
NTA bc no one should be threatening your kid with a beating. Also, it perpetuates the cycle of using violence to solve a problem. So in this case you’re obviously NTA.
However, it appears your son is struggling. That is something you need to work on. Bored kids do shitty things. He needs less free time and more structure. Get him into a club or sports or something where he can get to know his peers better and learn a skill or two. If he’s not the athletic type then find a club or recreational activity around his personal interests. Parks and rec districts, the local community college or library are a good place to start. He needs to learn how to make friends and be kind to those around him, even those who are different from him.
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u/Wanda_McMimzy 15d ago
NTA. It’s not about what your kid did, it’s about how adults in your family talk about your son. They’re inappropriate.
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u/Build_LLC 15d ago
This! Thank you. To me these are two separate issues and I’m really trying hard to get my kid right.
The threat seemed counter-productive to the situation
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u/Alda_ria 15d ago edited 15d ago
It's never too late to address physical threats. Why exactly your mom and sister think that it's okay to go physical on a kid? If they are allowed to do so - is he allowed to beat someone as well? Or they are allowed because they are adults?
NTA,and keep your distance from them. Your son shouldn't be around someone who promised him physical harm, and never took it back.
PS: it's soooo fascinating how people downplay physical threats made by an adult in comments. My favorite is "don't take it too serious,no one was planning to beat him, actually". Somehow adult going after a kid is less disturbing than bullying and totally justified. I'm impressed.
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u/Ok-meow 15d ago
Dang! NTA, but mom and sister sure are. The dude just moved into town trying to fit in. He needs time. I would probably not hang with granny dearest and sister Mary hatchet.
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u/Build_LLC 15d ago
You’re gonna get roasted for your comment. But that’s a bit how I saw it too. I get the emotional response from my mom and sister more now; I just thought they were a bit more reasonable and it shocked me that they doubled down about it.
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u/Ok-meow 15d ago
I know😂. But I wanted to show you support and your son. Hope it works out.
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u/Federal-Ferret-970 15d ago
Im only 1 person. But i upvoted you because that was awesome. 🤣🤣. Seriously after looking at OP comments. He’s doin right in the parenting. And no one should lay hands or threaten that. Don’t matter the issue. Thats a dang kid in the most awkward phase of adolescence. This is still the teachable phase just way more anxty and moody.
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u/PolarGCNips 15d ago
Too much time had passed to address it???? I'm slapping my mom in the fucking face hard as shit if she whispers "I'm going to beat the shit out of you" then going no contact and if I ever see her again, get ready to ring up those assault charges because another slappy is coming bitch
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u/misteraustria27 15d ago
90% of people commenting here should never be a parent. Advocating for beating up a child is just horrible. I hope you are all just keyboard warriors and don’t act like assholes in real life.
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u/cryssylee90 15d ago
My family resorts to threats of violence too.
The first and last time someone threatened my kid I started speaking loudly in great detail (not directly to them but so they can hear) about the best acid that will dissolve a body quickly and how fiercely defensive I am of my children.
Of course now I’m “unhinged” because I couldn’t “take a joke”. Their “joke” was making sure to tell me upon learning my sister on my father’s side was marrying a woman that they’d “beat the gay” out of my kids if “that family” ever “corrupted” them. They didn’t realize the child they made the statement to was already out to trusted family. Suffice to say, we’re no contact now.
What your kid did was wrong and he absolutely deserves punishment. But punishment is not resorting to violence and frankly anyone who threatens my kid, grandparent and sister included, would be no contact with my kid and when they complain I’d tell them they’re a danger to children and shouldn’t be around them and I won’t have them abusing mine.
NTA
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u/zbornakingthestone 15d ago
Strong gene pool. You're all completely awful obviously and clearly got the children you deserved.
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u/FitzpleasureVibes 15d ago
Info: What did YOU do to punish your son? Did you have a legitimate conversation with him about his actions, why the bullying happened, and try to make sure it never happens again?
I am a high school teacher. No teacher I know “claims” anything about bullying. Disgusting attempt to minimize the issue right off the bat. I am tempted to label you the asshole purely for that.
PS. “Thanks for your input, but he is my child and I will handle discipline.” Is all that needs to be said to family. If they cannot control comments, you do not have to subject yourself / your son to them.
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u/nanny2359 15d ago
Pretty upsetting that a high school teacher thinks it's ok to threaten to beat up a child... Not that I'm surprised
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u/FitzpleasureVibes 15d ago
With all due respect, get over yourself.
I am defending who needs defending in this story. God forbid I stick up for special education students that are marginalized at every turn.
PS. Reading comprehension check time! Where in my initial comment did I say it was okay to threaten a child physically??
A. Nowhere B. I didn’t C. All of the above
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u/nanny2359 15d ago
You didn't say it WAS NOT ok which is the question the post is asking.
Reading comprehension test!
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u/Wonderful-Teach8210 15d ago
ESH. That was crappy for them to say but it's more likely to have been an "I'm gonna kill you" type expression of extreme anger than an actual threat. The fact that your 13 your old is (a) bullying people and (b) running to Mommy and Daddy when someone calls him on it tells me that he needs a reality check. A hard one. It would have been appropriate to ask your family to not speak that way to him and let you handle it. But then - you need to handle it! And you aren't. Taking away privileges and giving him a lecture isn't enough. At a minimum, he should have been made to apologize to the kid at school and make restitution.
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u/Build_LLC 15d ago
100%. I wanted to know who the kid was so he could apologize. That’s when we learned more details; and it wasn’t as clear as the original massage the teacher sent us. After some back and forth we learned a lot more and basically there is a group of them that all bully each other and record it. It is not a case of my son PICKING on someone with special needs. It’s a lot more complex than him just being a bully.
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u/neroisstillbanned 15d ago
So are they actually picking on each other or are these just skits? And what are they doing exactly?
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u/misteraustria27 15d ago
NTA. I can’t understand why adults think it is ok to beat up a child. He picked on a weaker one and their solution is to beat up someone weaker. Tell them that if anyone ever lays a hand on your child you will make sure that they get charger with assault and battery and go to jail. Btw: good job on showing your son that actions have consequences. But if your consequence is to beat up said child you are a sorry excuse for a parent.
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u/Shellbone23 15d ago
NTA sorry but if you touch my child you are taking your life into your hands. Family or not I don’t care.
0
u/sgbg1904 15d ago
YTA. Teach your kid to be a decent human being.
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u/traumatized-gay 15d ago
So if ur kid did something bad, someone gets to hit them?
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u/sgbg1904 14d ago
Believe it or not, if my kid bullies a handicaped person, I'd be fine for his ass being kicked. Just because he's my kid, doesn't mean that he can be a piece of shit.
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u/Cookie1107 15d ago
Nta. Sounds like your on the right track in disciplining your son. He should also apologise to the kid he was picking on. Your mum was 100% wrong, its never ok for an adult to threaten a child. I'd make it clear if she EVER touches your son she should expect worse for herself.
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u/Curiousr_n_Curiouser 15d ago
Telling your mom you will beat her up is just as bad as anything else happening here, man.
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u/conker123110 15d ago
What? By that logic, someone defending themselves from abuse are actually the abusers. Unless in your world beating children is more acceptable than beating adults?
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u/Curiousr_n_Curiouser 15d ago
Nobody needs to beat up anyone.
Dad threatened grandma, who threatened the kid who threatened the disabled kid.
Every instance of threatening people (especially people smaller than you) is a problem.
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u/conker123110 15d ago
Every instance of threatening people (especially people smaller than you) is a problem.
And telling someone that you will absolutely defend yourself is apparently as bad as saying you'll assault someone without good reason?
You have to be trolling right? Or do you not understand that a threat to abuse someone, and a threat to defend someone from that abuse, are worlds apart?
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u/Curiousr_n_Curiouser 15d ago
What are you talking about? Nobody is talking about defending themselves.
Everyone is threatening someone smaller than them. By your logic, Grandma was just defending the disabled kid. And the clear solution would be for OP's sister to threaten to beat his ass if he hits her mom.
If OP took your advice, he would go to jail for domestic violence, and should. That's not what self defense is.
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u/conker123110 15d ago
By your logic, Grandma was just defending the disabled kid.
Defense requires immediate danger, which is why the father would be DEFENDING his child if his mom decided to assault her grandchild.
Trying to make this about the legality of the situation while ignoring the requirements of that law is idiotic. Consider looking up the law if you want to use it as a cudgel.
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u/AshenSacrifice 15d ago
Threatening to defend yourself against threats is never the same as introducing threats that didn’t exist. Please stop
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u/Prudent_Solid_3132 15d ago
While I agree not to threaten to beat her up, if I was in OP’s situation, I would tell both my mom and sister if they put their hands on my kid, especially if it was to cause any harm, the next thing they can expect is the cops on their doorstep.
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u/CollectingRainbows 15d ago
mom should expect worse as in getting hauled away in a cop car bc she put her hands on a 13 year old.
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u/No-Past2605 15d ago
Correct the issues now or in a few years, a judge may be correcting them for you.
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u/Cookie1107 15d ago
NTA. You need to talk to your kid and make him understand it is never ok to bully someone or mock them just because they have special needs. You need to disciple him to make sure he is punished for his actions and he also needs to apologise. Its important he understands his actions are completely wrong and hurtful. However I will say your mother was completely wrong threatening a child, no matter his behaviour. Let me just say if someone said that to my kid, they'd be the one having the shit beat out of them! Its also clear that your mother is ok threatening kids but not brave enough to face you or your wife.
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u/CenterofChaos 15d ago
ESH.
Your family sucks because it's not their place to discipline your kid. It's also wildly inappropriate to threaten to beat a child.
You suck because your kid is a bully and you didn't address your family. You should have told them the first time not to speak to you like that and nobody gets to talk crap about your spouse.
Your kid needs a come to Jesus moment. Bring up what Grandma said and tell him you don't agree with her way of handling it but many do. He's going to get his ass handed to him or his life ruined with this behavior and you're not going to excuse it when the repercussions come.
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u/PristinePrinciple752 6d ago
NTA but he should be equally in trouble for bullying ANYONE. Special needs or not.