r/nottheonion • u/knightsofvalour • 15d ago
Catholic priest in Pennsylvania 'spent $40k church money on slot machine apps'
https://www.irishstar.com/news/pennsylvania-news/catholic-priest-candy-crush-pokemon-326834802
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u/futureformerteacher 14d ago
Considering everything, this is like a 1 out of 10 on the Bill Burr scale of the Catholic Church.
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14d ago
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u/Wtfkizay 14d ago
Was this my uncle? He’s also a Catholic priest w/ a gambling addiction in Pennsylvania. What are the odds.
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u/alexjaness 14d ago
With all the Crimes Catholic Priests are known to commit, I have to say this is downright precious.
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u/seminarysmooth 14d ago
The priest in my church also got busted spending church funds gambling on horses. That was in the 80’s. He was removed from managing church funds and one of the richer families repaid the money. Not hush hush, but not kept a secret either.
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u/truethatson 14d ago
I don’t have a problem with people gambling but when we legalized all this we should have stipulated no commercials. Every third commercial is for a gambling app. It’s not unprecedented to ban certain vices from being advertised on TV. We banned cigarette ads in 1970.
As for this jabroni, the Catholic Church has spent its money on far worse.
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u/colemon1991 14d ago
What's frustrating is how laws are worded. So while a casino may not be allowed to advertise, these new apps might not be held to those standards based on what definitions the laws used before.
And to correct that, legislatures have to create a new law or update an existing law. I'm not holding my breath. This is the least productive congress in history. And considering how slow they are at fixing known problems (if they'll ever do it), it's practically a pipe dream.
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u/RelationshipDizzy831 14d ago
That's pretty standard for a religious leader in Pennsylvania. At least he was able to beat his pedophile problem by shifting his sights to gambling.
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u/vacuous_comment 14d ago
Lawrence Kozak, a former pastor at St Thomas More Parish in Pittstown,...
There is no Pittstown, PA as far as I can tell.
There is a Pittston and they have wayyyy too many churches. The Catholic church there is not named Saint Thomas More.
There is a Pottstown, PA with a St Thomas More Catholic church.
That almost feels like a deliberate typo to report the news but to mildly obfuscate the parish. There are a bunch of St Thomas More churches.
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u/RoamingDrunk 14d ago
The best part is that, when he was questioned about if he really spent $40k, he said he’s “not a details guy”. I absolutely love that.
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u/simcoehooligan 14d ago
At least he wasn't diddling kids. I'll take that as progress for the Catholic church
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u/DishGroundbreaking87 14d ago
The money was just resting in my account!
Enough! You went to vegas, while that child was supposed to be at Lourdes!
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u/HansVonSnicklefritz 14d ago
Oh, Daniel... Oh, Daniel... please... I-I-I'm in... I'm in desperate times.
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u/BUKKAKELORD 14d ago
This is why South Park should be viewed by everyone! I learned that Freemium Isn't Free and those games are made by the Canadian devil.
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u/Commercial_Board6680 15d ago
"The slot machine apps named in the complaint like Willy Wonka Vegas Casino Slots do not award real-world money for winning games but allow users to spend real-world money to play."
Am I missing something here? Isn't the whole point in gambling winning real money?
Could be worse. He could've been diddling an altar boy.
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u/madmendude 14d ago
You should google DSP and WWE Champions. The dude has spent >100k USD on it. For some reason these games are extremely addictive.
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u/Commercial_Board6680 14d ago
I don't get the addiction to gambling, but I sure know what having an addiction feels like.
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u/Affectionate-Cow-796 14d ago
Wait, DSP as in Dark side Phil?
Doesn't he constantly piss and moan about not getting enough donations, despite people just being there to laugh at him?
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u/madmendude 14d ago edited 14d ago
You're really in for a rabbit hole!
Someone actually made a 1 hour documentary where they stitched together all the evidence of DSP's mobile game addiction.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRQNB6dB_Yo
Just a bit more lore: He was keen on having an interview. He got invited into one, admitted that he plays WWE champions, despite denying it for years, and refusing to share his username in private to the hosts, essentially confirming it.
Edit: The worst part is he's now stuck in a bit of limbo, because he can never admit to this addiction. He filed for bankruptcy and put all of his WWE champions spending as business expenses.
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u/itsalongwalkhome 15d ago
Those apps cater to people prone to addiction. So it's enough at the illusion of winning combined with all the lights and sounds is enough to keep you coming back.
It's disgusting.
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u/Commercial_Board6680 14d ago
This is disgusting. Preying on someone's addiction like this should be a red flag to state legislators.
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u/jafromnj 15d ago
The headline is a lie it was in video games like Mario Cart, candy crush etc
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u/Furious_Tuguy 15d ago
Yes, and no.
The slot machine apps named in the complaint like Willy Wonka Vegas Casino Slots do not award real-world money for winning games but allow users to spend real-world money to play.
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u/whackwarrens 14d ago
You can just buy paid slot machine apps and spin forever but for slot machine zombies, losing money is half the fun.
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u/Furious_Tuguy 14d ago
Yea. Where I live it's fully legal to gamble online. The website has a "try it" feature. Basically you can spin forever so you can play the bonus to see if you like it. Poor guy has a real problem.
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u/crysisnotaverted 14d ago
I'm sorry, I know gambling is addiction.
But in gambling, you can actually win real money. If you gamble in fake slots in a fucking mobile game to win fake money you are a next level degen with terminal brain rot. I can't even begin to understand this. Especially after seeing those horrid 'real fake slots' ads promising 'guaranteed jackpots and free spins'.
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u/ZekoriAJ 14d ago
What??
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u/Furious_Tuguy 14d ago
Yea, he spent it on casino games as well as other mobile games. The title makes it sound like he spent it on a real online casino instead of mobile games (at least 1 such game actually was a casino game).
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u/Willing-Rub-511 14d ago
Not really, most people who have played slot games know that they aren't for real money. Its just for slots on the games.
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u/reichrunner 14d ago
All depends on the state. No idea about PA, but a lot of places let you gamble real money from your phone
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u/Furious_Tuguy 14d ago
Where I live it's fully legal to gamble for real right from the couch on a state sanctioned website. So anything is possible.
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u/thedkexperience 15d ago
He didn’t even gamble it away. He spent it on freemium games.
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u/ClearDark19 14d ago edited 14d ago
Well, I'd rather him do that than spend it on consuming children, if you know what I mean. These kinds of stories about the Church are actually a relief compared to what this story could have been about. Priests having mundane vices like gambling or having sex with consenting adults.
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u/johnsolomon 14d ago
Sanest FGO player
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u/bigbangbilly 14d ago
The only winning move is
not to playplay a different game and spend money there?85
u/Furious_Tuguy 15d ago
Well, duh. REAL gambling is a sin.
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u/MikeHock_is_GONE 14d ago
Catholic not fundamentalist
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u/Furious_Tuguy 14d ago
What's funny is you're right. Catholics can gamble so long as it doesn't cause undue hardship on anyone else.
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u/QVCatullus 14d ago
One of the religious sisters at a school I taught at cleaned UP at all the office bingo, sports pools, etc. We often threatened to take her to Vegas with us.
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u/Khelthuzaad 14d ago
At least spend it in something constructive like gacha games
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u/Expert_Airline5111 14d ago
I will never understand that shit. Just buy games that don't hound you to keep spending money
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u/Cheetahs_never_win 14d ago
How much would a game be worth to you if you received 10 years of enjoyment out of it?
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u/EbbNo7045 15d ago
He prayed the entire time while using them. Seems like it could be job description
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15d ago
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u/nevadaho 15d ago
Addiction is heartbreaking.
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u/Pharmere 15d ago
It really is. I’m not excusing what he did but addiction is a very slippery slope and sometimes you don’t realize how far you have slipped until it’s too late
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u/UnrivaledDumbass 15d ago
Theft is more heartbreaking
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u/ammobox 15d ago
Theft in the name of an invisible sky monster that you trick people into believing in and pay money to is kinda on the person being tricked.
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u/Blahblah778 14d ago
It's a good thing you're so much smarter than everyone else!
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u/ammobox 14d ago
At least people are willing to admit it. It's a step in the right direction.
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u/Blahblah778 14d ago
Hyper-religious people are actually suckers!? You're probably the first person to ever have such an innovative thought!
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u/ammobox 14d ago
See?! Now you're getting it. If I can train more simple minded people like you to understand, their is hope for the religious masses as well.
I wish you were here in person so I could give you a treat for good behavior, my little pavlovian doggy. 🦴👀🐶
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u/BossIike 14d ago
Based. You should go to Iran and hold a sign in downtown Tehran that says "your invisible sky daddy isn't real" and "trans rights are human rights". Livestream it for me!
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u/ammobox 14d ago
Sorry. I already did it. I had a pretty good time.
But if you want me to do it again, just Venmo me about 5K for travel expenses and I'll do it again.
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u/musea00 10d ago
the money was just resting in his account!